Febuary 10, 2007
It was on a Friday Feb. 10, 2006, almost the end of the work day when I got a call from my brother to come down to the hospital right away. It was my dad, he had been in the hospital for sometime now. There had been emergencies before. I thought this was nothing new, besides I had just went to visit with him the night before and he was in a good mood, joking around. I do remember kissing him goodbye and then going back and kissing him again. Not knowing that I would never speak to him again.
He had passed and although I walked into the room where he laid with no cords, or iv's or anything hooked up to him, I still felt he was alive. In the hall before I got in the room I felt this rush of energy, like a kid playing up and down the hallway.
I looked at my brother and sister and mother like what's wrong, they said dad died and although his body lay motionless there on the bed, it just wouldn't register. Some days it still doesn't register that he is not around.
In that room there was nothing, no spirit, no soul, nothing but complete emptiness. I was lost as I realized he left and there was so much I haven't said, questions I so wanted to ask. I wanted to know how he felt about a particular someone, since he was always so nice to rodney, even when he would visit with me.
I knew my father wanted to come home, I wanted to ask if he meant to give up and go to heaven home or home, home. The things I should of asked. Now I'll never know how he feels.
I've been praying to my dad to help me through my troubled times and to steer me in the right direction. Some days, I know he is around me, but lately its been so cold I can't feel his warmth.
I'd like to know if at anytime he was ever proud of me more or if I have proven to be the biggest pain in the ass. Will I ever make it on my own, and not have to be a burden to others. Will I ever find someone like him to be there for me and be happy with, sort of like questions to feed my soul.
I miss my dad very much, I wish he was still here so I could hug him and kiss him and talk to him like never before. and remind him that I'm his favorite baby girl.
I love you dad and miss you dearly.
