Good Morning. I sit here yawning to beat the band. That was one long week and short weekend. I hate Inventory time, it truly stinks.
So tid bits of my weekend before, the infamous weekend to Hart Michigan with the sports crew. I call them the sports crew due to these guys frequent the same sporting circles, Softball, Bowling and Golf. We were invited due to playing Softball with them 35 years ago…yeah seems weird I know but it is true. Over the years they gained players and friends due to the various sports we guys played together. So this year it was held in Hart Michigan. A small community north of Muskegon Michigan. One could not have picked a better weekend weather wise. The temperature was mid 70’s to 80 and the sun was shining without clouds. The tournament was to be a three day event. First was on Friday which the four of us Bruce, Bryan, Phil and myself were able to play in the same foursome golfing which was cool, however the next two days we were to be pared with two golfers by drawing for opponents. Which by the luck of the draw we picked a handicap pair. Yes this just happened to be the only two handicapped golfers on the course and in the entire group. So we had no idea these two were handicapped until Ralph the one who could see…Yes I truly mean had good eyesight found us and said who he was and made sure who we were, then proceeded to tell us that we might be playing a bit slow today….I am a fast golfer, I get to the ball, and hit the ball with no practice swing just grab the club and launch the ball towards the hole. I have found out over the years my best swings were always seeming to be when I practiced swinging…so I elevated the practice swing and just address the ball and bash it. No so with Ralph and Chuck, …Chuck was legally blind and had a prosthetic leg. Walked with a walker…I should say hobbled with a walker to the ball however, they could drive the cart up on the green and tee for him due to having a handicap blue flag on the golf cart…although it sped things up, it did not take into consideration how log it took him to get in and out of the golf cart. Oh and he took about 5 practice swings…which leads to my next phrase that I will say a lot during my talk about that weekend with the guys…
I am Truly going to Hell! I am not passing “GO” and I am not collecting two hundred dollars. I made fun of a Handicapped man. I will just abbreviate it for future reference and to speed up my writings, it will be known as this ITAGTH Pronounced Itagth! Sounds pretty bad either way. Ok, so here is Chuck taking his first shot, 6 practice swings later he hits the ball, it travels ok, actually better then ok he hit it about 125 yards, so I turn to Phil, and oh yes Phil will be there too he is also going to hell. He more so then me, but either case we both were bad boys…I imagine the beer did not play to much in favor of our being bad…So I turn to Phil and say…”ok, he took 6 practice swings and then whacked the ball,… tell me why he could not have done that in one or two practice swings…” Oh and Phil was a Bundle of Knowledge by saying, “He was just judging how far he had to hit it…” I thought and said, “Dude…he can’t see!...how does he judge by his swing how far he is going to hit it…and how the hell did he hit it!” So this goes on for oh let’s see… 18 holes! No…15 do anymore golf due to his legs or lack of, and he was tired. However…his handicap was enormous due to his true handicaps and he received 42 strokes from me…which my handicap was 3.8 so I had to beat him like a rented mule just to win…that did not happen due to me being ORNERY!, and I could not keep my hands off of the 12oz cold cans…Although I knew he could not see well or at all…and could not walk very fast, let alone even walk, those were givens but! He had a mind and he surely should have kept track of his score, which he DIDN”T!!@!!! He was forever not counting all his strokes and what was I going to do come in saying the blind man was cheating? So I took the defeat well on Saturday, knowing that Sunday we would be paired with a different team........Oh the lord works in Mysterious ways. Our partners for Sunday just happened to be...Ralph and Chuck once again! Phil had me laughing so hard on one hole that Bruce and Bryan 4 holes away heard me laughing. Phil said on one hole in which Chuck was not keep track of his strokes ”that if he comes over and says he shot anything less the double digits I swear to god I am going to Bludgeoned him to death with his own club and stick a sign on him saying: Here Lies a Cheater written in his own BLOOD!” Chuck was in a sand trap and took like five swats at it, it reminded me of a dog trying to cover up a turd! We counted in our heads he has to be 14 or 15 for this hole, so I said Hey guys what did you have on this hole? Chuck says I had a 9….The laughter started again….
I have tons more on our adventures…with Chuck and Ralph however…I do not want to bore you or upset you in my lack of holding my cool, Normally Phil and I are pure as the driven snow…but everyone has their limits…
So for now that is all folks…
Have a great day.
A Huge hug and many pats
Mart
