fubars Resident Rattlesnake and Mistress...'s blog: "Erotica"

1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos. 2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names. 3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend. 4. You have over 100,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica. 5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names. 6. You go to a convention with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing the same outfit when you return as you did when you left. 7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person. 8. You position the computer screen in your home office in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you. 9. You can't remember the last time you had pubic hair. 10. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area. 11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and leave that same evening ... 12. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed. 13. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy. 14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it. 15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set. 16. Your wife has a shirt that says: "I Like Girls Too." 17. You have a strippers pole in the middle of your den. 18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome. 19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong. 20. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked. 21. You hear the word "Playmate" and your first thought is not "Playboy" 22. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment. 23. You carry lube as often as lipstick. 24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won't give you rug burns. 25. You've taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party. 26. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore. 27. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom... On your ceiling. 28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses. 29. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground. 30. Your wedding reception has an after party. 31. You go to Las Vegas, but never gamble or leave the hotel. 32. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing. 33. You've invited friends over and watched porn. 34. You've invited friends over and made porn. 35. You've watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife's bare ass. 36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer. 37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don't fit you or your wife. 38. Your kids think it's normal for adults to have sleepovers. 39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury. 40. You believe in Unicorns... Because you've actually ridden one. 41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store. 42. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose. 43. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend. 44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed... And your guest bed... And your couch in the living room. 45. The employees fight to take your order at the One Hour Photo. 46. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people. 47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light. 48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits. 49. You place a want ad that reads: "Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn't ask any questions." 50. You ask the sales man at the furniture store which type of upholstery best repels semen stains. 51. The staff of Hedonism III sends you birthday cards. 52. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle. 53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives. 54. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls. 55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals. 56. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room. 57. You have a free place to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe. 58. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi". 59. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created. 60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family. 61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex. 62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties. 63. The movie "Swingers" was a huge disappointment to you. 64. It's an unwritten law that you can't call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don't wake them up. 65. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand. 66. At your "normal" parties no one can go into the basement because you're afraid someone will notice the sex-swing. 67. You're constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide. 68. You make bets with other swinger friends about how long it will take to corrupt your cute vanilla girlfriend. 69. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name. 70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..." 71. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access. 72. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort. 73. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much." 74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom. 75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face. 76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines. 77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels. 78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party. 79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m. 80. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation. 81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long... Because they keep coming true! 82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts. 83. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your office. 84. You buy lap dances for your wife... And vice versa. 85. You own a double-headed dildo. 86. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night. 87. You're at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, breath mints and Red Bull. 88. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family. 89. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds. 90. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single. 91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal. 92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period. 93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman's perfume and it brings a smile to your face. 94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest. 95. You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while your parents are in town. 96. You get really tired of not making it to McDonalds before they quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home). 97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos. 98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market. 99. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your resume. 100. If you are reading this and laughing because many of these describe you... These are pretty good signs that you are a swinger!

Do not allow permanent injury, scaring, cutting, burning. Never leave nipple clamps on for more than 15 minutes. Allow blood to circulate. Never allow yourself to be struck on ovaries or kidneys. Always use the safe word if suspendeded and limbs become cold or numb. Never allow yourself to be hit with a whip or crop on the tailbone, head or neck. You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well. You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness. You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender. You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later. You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable. You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES. You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong. You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships. You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last. You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less. You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help. You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.

(an open letter from a Master to his slave) Things She Needs From Me!! You need to feel safe. Before you can begin to open your submissive nature to me you need to feel safe and have reason to trust me. To let down your walls and give me control of your will may take time and testing before you feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after you've given yourself to me fully, you need to be reminded you are safe with me. You may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but you need to be sure no matter how I stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, you will remain safe in my care. You need to know I accept you for all you are. You will be many things to me as our relationship grows and you need to know I accept you as a person during each transition along the way. You need to know I accept you as a friend, lover, companion, and my submissive but also accept you as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles you fill in your obligations to family or society. You need to have clearly defined limits. You need to know exactly what I expect of you and know that you also understand my limits. In some ways you are like a child that needs a fence around your play area so you know how far you can go and feel secure inside those limits. You need me to reinforce those fences by correcting you when you try to climb them without my approval. You need me to be consistent. You need to know I mean what I say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses you more than giving you mixed signals by allowing you to break rules that I have given you. From time to time you may test me to see if I am capable of accepting control of your life by consistently bringing you back to the path I have chosen for you. It's not done to try my patience but is your way of finding reassurance that I am paying attention to your progress. Very often it's not done consciously and you promise you will not use it as a method for provoking my negative responses. You need to expand your limits. You need to grow and to be challenged. Left on your own, you will become bored or stagnate within the boundaries you accepted in the beginning. You need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places you have been. You may drag your feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because you’re unsure and need my guidance in overcoming your obstacles. You depend on me for strength and encouragement to get beyond them. You need me to teach you. You need to learn and it is me who is your teacher. Your mind is hungry for new things and learning helps you to become all that you can be. This may require me to continue to learn new things in order to keep you challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share. You need goals. Part of your make-up as a submissive makes you very goal-oriented. You need them to measure your progress and need me to provide them for you. Take time to explain those goals in ways you can comprehend my plans concerning your growth as my submissive. Without my direction you quickly become lost so you will look to me frequently to provide a purpose and aim as you continue in your development as a submissive. You need to be corrected. You need me to correct you when you make mistakes. Without my correction you will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without my correction, you may never know you have made a mistake. Allowing you to continue unchecked will only cause you to fail both of us in the end. You admire firmness in my correction and feel secure in knowing that I will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping you focused on the goals I have set for you. You need me to be your role-model. You look up to me and try to follow in my footsteps. If I fail to live up to a standard, you will follow me into failure, often without me noticing until it is too late. You learn quickly by the examples I provide for you and often base your reactions and behaviors on your observations of me in similar situations. You will blindly pattern yourself in my image so I must be aware that your eyes will always be on me as face my own challenges and daily activities. You need my approval and reassurance. You need to know when I approve of you or what you have done and to know you belong to me even if you fall short of your goals. You sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when I do not provide positive reinforcement when I am pleased by your actions. You will constantly be seeking my approval when you are unsure of yourself and may need to rely deeply on my support and reassurance when you are confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge. You need to be able to express yourself. You have a need to express both good and bad things to me but it may be difficult for you to put the negative things into words. You fear my rejection and hate disappointing me, so you may need a little space and time to voice all the things you need to say. I can help you by reassuring you that your feelings are valid, even if they aren't something I find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when you are upset or angry with me but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide you in ways that you can learn to speak your heart without breaking it or mine. You need to learn from your mistakes. You need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. You know my protective nature will struggle with allowing you to be hurt but you need to learn the consequences of what you have done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. You will need my comfort once you have faced your failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice your disappointment in failing. Allow you to sort out your feelings before wiping away your tears. You need forgiveness when you fail me. Nothing hurts you more than to know you have failed or displeased me and you need to be forgiven once you have made amends. It is very hard for you to forgive yourself for a wrong-doing and you may need my help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse you are carrying. You may even need to be punished, if your wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. You depend on me to make that determination for you and need my help in making an atonement that is acceptable to me. You need to feel you contribute. You have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. Your basic nature is to give of yourself and I will be the primary recipient of your gifts. Allow you to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave you unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for you. Provide you with ways to contribute things to others, also. You may need to give of yourself to those you hold dear but I will always receive the best you have to offer. You need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying your successes you may give up your fight to be all I desire for you. Allow you the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when you overcome an obstacle or if I find pride in your attempts. All of your successes belong to me and you need to share their rewards with me. You don't expect me to spoil you with grand displays for little victories, but when you have reached beyond the limits of your past attempts, don't deny you the sweet feelings of knowing you have achieved a goal I have set. You need to share with me. Sharing with me is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of your submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of your being as well as the physical body you inhabit. It may be difficult for you to give me access to the deeper levels of your emotions and feelings but those are the things you need to share the most. You will depend on me to direct you in ways you can achieve total openness with me. You also need to share in the things I am. Trust you enough to share in my fears, failures and struggles. You will never see me as weak or incapable because I have shown confidence in you by giving part of myself in trust. You need to feel loved, respected, and protected in my ownership. No matter how well you have done or how miserably you have failed, you need to know you are still loved and protected by me. Nothing will prevent you from trying new things like fear of losing my respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage you to expand my limits and grow to be all you are capable of being more than knowing I will be there to protect you from harm and will love you even if you fall short of the target. You need to be loved and to love me in return. You can't survive without it.

It's all about context. In the right context, with the right person, inflicting pain is deliciously erotic. I generally start by laying the crop gently across her ass, just below the curve where her ass meets her legs, so that she knows where the first blow will land. I leave the crop there for a moment, pressing it against her skin, letting her imagine what it's going to feel like. Sometimes, I'll start tap-tap-tapping her ass with it, in a gentle staccato, to let the anticipation build and to start the blood rushing to her skin, sensitizing it. Other times, I'll just wait, without moving, until she relaxes. Eventually, without warning, I'll lift the crop and bring it down very quickly, so fast that it whistles as it moves through the air. She will usually scream when the crop lands, arching her back and thrusting her hips upward against the crop as it lands. Her body tenses and quivers, and the first welt appears almost instantly. Sometimes, I'll pause for a minute, waiting for the stinging to pass and her body to relax before I bring the crop down again. Other times, I'll place my hand on the small of her back, holding her against the bench as I keep the crop moving, nonstop, WHACK WHACK WHACK, each stroke leaving a bright red mark behind. When I do this, she will continue to scream, each stroke drawing a louder cry until they all blend together. At that point, I'll stop suddenly, and wait for the endorphins to hit. It only takes a second. She will relax against the bench with a dreamy smile on her face, and then the laughter comes. She'll laugh uncontrollably, her face flush, totally unaware of everything around her. After the first rush subsides, I'll start with the crop again, tapping her on the ass or the back of her legs, building the intensity very slowly. When she starts to moan under the crop, I'll bring it down hard again, leaving another welt. At this point, she'll usually start laughing instantly. I will keep the crop moving, striking her hard three or four times in quick succession, until she's screaming and laughing at the same time. I can keep her there for quite a while, floating in a place where the world is more or less a peripheral blur. When I finally finish with the crop, I'll stroke her gently with a soft piece of fur, watching her quiver and moan and sigh. It takes a long time for her to come down; it's usually several minutes before she can even stand. She floats there dreamily for the longest time, grinning and totally high. And it's very, very exciting to take her to that place. (subspace) *by anonymous

Dominance for Nice Guys For starters, it's not what you think. The first thing to do is to understand, deep down inside, that it's possible to do these things and still be a good person. While some of these things may superficially resemble abuse, there's an important difference; unlike an abuser, you are doing these things because you both enjoy them, and you're doing them in a way that is safe, consensual, and respectful of her limits and desires. One way to think about it is that you're playing a role. A person who plays a villain on TV is not actually a villain; and if you and your partner play out roles for your mutual enjoyment, it doesn't mean you're being abusive. You and your partner can play out roles in which you are harsh and demanding and she is your sex slave, and this does not mean that you actually believe women should be subordinate to men. But I was always taught to treat women with respect! There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about treating people the way they want to be treated. Even if the way they want to be treated is not what you're accustomed to. Not everyone has the same desires, wants, or needs. Treating your partner with respect means treating your partner the way she wants to be treated--even if that means she wants you to treat her like a dirty little minx sometimes. Seriously--if your partner is approaching you with the idea of exploring BDSM, then most likely, there is some part of her which responds very strongly to filling that role. There is not one "right" way to behave that applies to all people all the time. If something adds pleasure to your life and to your partner's life, then it's not a bad thing, even if it is unconventional. And there's certainly no crime in taking pleasure from bringing your partner pleasure! There is no rule which says that nice guys can't be adventurous. No law says that nice guys never fuck their girlfriends in the ass or tell their girlfriends to strip and masturbate in front of them. It's about learning what you like, learning what she likes, and creating a scene that brings you both pleasure; being a nice guy means being willing to explore avenues that bring joy to your partner's life! What kind of guy enjoys doing these things? The kind of guy who enjoys exploring with his partner and pleasing his partner, of course! More than that, though; by exploring your fantasies and your partner's fantasies, you create a deep intimacy that's hard to beat. This kind of exploration, and sharing of fantasies and sexual feelings, helps form a bond of intimacy and trust that's at once more romantic and more passionate than you may believe. And the pleasure to be gained simply from seeing your partner eager to service you and submit to your desires shouldn't be discounted, either... To do this, though, you may need to unlearn some things about what "nice guys" do and feel. "Nice guy syndrome" can sometimes prevent you from being able to really focus on your partner, and see what she wants; you may see social preconceptions of who "women are" or what "women want" instead. Women are individuals; focus on what the woman you're with wants rather than what "women want." In extreme cases, "nice guy syndrome" can make you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner as a sexual being at all. But human beings are sexual beings, and it's hard to imagine anyone who doesn't want to be seen as sexually attractive by her mate; seeing your partner in a sexual light is not only healthy, it's an important part of any sexual relationship! I don't even know where to begin with this stuff... As with most things, you begin simply. Sex in general and BDSM in particular are learned skills; like all learned skills, you learn by doing. Start slow, learn what you and your partner like and don't like, and elaborate on the things you learn as you go along. The best way to get started exploring BDSM is by talking to your partner. Discuss your fantasies and her fantasies; don't worry about whether or not those fantasies are things you would really explore or not, or even if they're things that are plausible or feasible. You're just talking about the things that turn you on, no matter how outlandish or how kinky they may be. Don't be timid, embarrassed, or ashamed, even of fantasies that seem extreme or frightening; these are fantasies, after all, not reality. Even extreme fantasies that you would never consider doing in real life can provide ideas or suggestions about places to explore, or things that turn you on! Let's say, for example, that your partner has fantasies about being tied up and molested. You can start to explore by trying some light bondage or restraint; no need to go all-out, just start by holding her down or tying her arms with ordinary rope. If things go well, you may discover that you want to go farther next time, or you may come up with new ideas to try. And who knows? You may just find that it really turns you on... At this point, it's probably worthwhile to discuss a few general guidelines as you start exploring this stuff. Some things to remember: - Don't feel that you have to try everything all at once. Don't do too much, too fast. You have plenty of time! You're exploring what turns you on, what turns your partner on, and what you can create together; it's far better to end a scene thinking you could have gone farther than ending a scene thinking you've gone too far! - Talk to your partner after you're done, especially when you've tried something new. Spend some time talking about how you felt, how she felt, what turned you on, and what things you might want to explore later. Remember, whenever you try anything new, you will sometimes find things that you or your partner responds to in ways you didn't expect. You may even find that something you thought you'd like, or something she thought she'd like, triggers a negative reaction that you didn't anticipate. There's nothing wrong with that; you're exploring. By definition, when you explore, you don't always know what you'll find! If you discover something that you don't like, or that didn't go the way you expected, its okay; you've learned from it, and now you have greater knowledge about how to please yourself and your partner. - There's nothing wrong with taking pleasure from dominating your partner. If you find that you respond to taking charge in the bedroom, and your partner responds to being dominated, great! You're both happy; enjoy yourselves! Besides, it's much more fun to submit to a person who enjoys being dominant. It works both ways; you can take pleasure from pleasing your partner, and she can take pleasure from pleasing you. - The greatest asset you have is a sense of self-confidence. It doesn't matter if you don't think you know what you're doing, or if things don't always go the way you wanted them to; it doesn't matter if you're uncertain about something you're trying. All this is normal. What does matter is that you project an air of confidence and control; just this alone can get you through a number of problems. You forget something? Something not working right? Smile and keep going anyway; chances are, she'll never even notice. Remember, you're playing a role; project confidence even if you don't feel it, and you'll do okay. - Keep your eyes open and your common sense sharp. The best single safety tool you have is your common sense. Watch for problems; don't leave someone tied up unattended, don't try devices or gadgets on your partner if you don't have a sense of how they feel yourself. But she wants me to spank her! I don't want to hurt her... Ah, that's a bit tricky. Things are not always what they seem; there's a big difference between erotic pain and ordinary, garden-variety pain. The experience of pain in an erotic context, for someone who's wired that way, is nothing like what you may imagine; it's an incredible rush that adds a powerful spice to sexual pleasure. Think of it like spice in chili; you might not like taking a bite out of a hot pepper, but in the right amount, it makes the chili a whole lot better... Even things that look extreme, such as flogging or whipping, can be deceptive. These things don't feel like you imagine they do, and in the right environment with the right warm-up, they're wonderful. And once your partner's endorphins, the natural painkilling chemicals produced in the brain, get going, it's the most intense, delightful high you can ever believe. Of course, pain play is something you want to explore slowly. You don't jump right into it; it takes time and practice to learn where your partner's limits are, and how your partner responds to things like spanking. But don't be so afraid of anything that looks painful--your partner is less fragile than you might think, and in the right setting, pain is both a powerful aphrodisiac and a tremendously pleasurable high. Pay attention, go slow, and you're not going to hurt her. As with many aspects of BDSM, pain is not always what it seems... You can get a bit of my own perspective on pain play, if you'd like, here. What if she wants me to call her names and humiliate her? That's not respectful! Humiliation play, like pain play, is another of those things that's not what it looks like from the outside. In a sense, it's the emotional equivalent of pain play; and like pain play, it's all about context. In the right setting, under the right circumstance, with the right person, it can for some people be an intense, white-hot turn-on; and as with much of BDSM play, it's helpful to think about it as playing a role. Remember, this is something you do because it's something your partner wants. You can, during a BDSM scene, call your partner a dirty, filthy whore, and it doesn't mean that's really how you see her; you're in a role, and you're doing it because it's a turn-on. Outside of that role, you may think your lover is the most exquisite woman ever to walk the face of the earth; the things you do during a scene are not the whole of how you see her in your ordinary, day-to-day life! And there's nothing wrong with enjoying erotic humiliation, if your partner enjoys it. It doesn't make you a bad person; it doesn't mean you want to degrade women; it means you take pleasure in creating an environment that's arousing and exciting. This kind of play may seem silly, or awkward, or both, when you first start experimenting with it. You may find it's difficult to say and do things which humiliate your partner, and it might feel forced or contrived. That's a normal part of playing any unfamiliar role. This sort of play, like any skill, becomes easier and more natural with practice. Don't worry about it becoming something that changes the way you think about women in the real world; like pain play, humiliation play is contextual both for your partner and for you. It's not going to suddenly make you into an insensitive clod. The difference in mindset between exploring humiliation play with a lover and actually believing that women deserve to be degraded is as great as the difference between playing a hit man in a movie and actually being a hit man. But I still don't know what to do! Here are some ideas to start with: - If you want to explore bondage, the easiest way to do this is with plain old cotton or nylon rope. Nylon stockings and silk scarves can cause problems, because they tend to bunch and be difficult to untie. You can tie your partner to the bed, to a chair, or simply bind her hands behind her back. Once you have her bound, you can go in a number of different directions. For example, you can kneel over her and tell her to service you with her mouth, or you can penetrate her and have sex with her. Or, you might try sensation play, running your hands or ice cubes or soft cloth or things like that over her body. Blindfolding her can make these sensations more intense. You can add a little bit of light pain play to the mix by pinching, pulling, or twisting her nipples, running your fingernails over her skin and thinngs like that. Biting her, teasing her with tongue or fingers, and that sort of thing can be a lot of fun too. - For introductory pain play, spanking, pinching, and biting can be good ways to begin. You might bend her over your lap, or--for a bit more fun--tie her down bent over the bed. You can combine this with role-playing if you like; perhaps she's a naughty student and you're the disciplining teacher, for example. You can spank her with your hands, a paddle, or even a wooden spoon. Start with light, rapid strokes, and gradually increase the force until you find her limit. Remember, if you start light and build up gradually, you can get those endorphins going, which is exciting and intoxicating! - Humiliation play can be verbal, or can involve things you do to her, or things you order her to do, or some combination of all three. For example, you can order her to kneel in front of you and give you oral sex while you tell her she's a filthy slut, or you can order her to call herself a slut or beg for sex while you tease her with your fingers and tongue, or you can kneel over her as she lies on her back and tell her to stroke you in her hands until you ejaculate over her body. - Give her instructions to do things that excite or arouse you. For example, if you enjoy watching her masturbate (and who doesn't?), tell her to touch herself while you watch. You can be as detailed as you want, instructing her how and where to touch herself, and how hard, and how fast, and in what way; you may even enjoy instructing her to moan and sigh as she does. Or, take a different approach. Take her out to dinner, but give her detailed instructions about what she is to wear. Have her wear something that makes her easily accessible--a skirt with no panties, for example. Throughout dinner, keep her aroused by dropping hints about how you can't wait to get her home, and how she's so sexy that you're planning to have your way with her; then, when you get home, bend her over, hoist up her skirt, and take her! - Surprise her. Mix things up. If you're exploring dominance and submission, try calling her at work one day and telling her to remove her panties, or go into the restroom and touch herself. Or, send her a text message on her phone telling her that you have plans for her and you're going to tie her up when she gets home. If she's at home when you're at work, send her an email with a list of things to do to arouse herself so that she's in the proper state of mind when you get home. If you've been talking about trying something new, create a scene where you're doing something you've done before, then add it in! Or, buy a new toy without telling her, and introduce it into your scene. - If you run out of ideas, try doing things you've done before, but in a new way or with a new element, or combined with other things you've done. If you enjoy watching her masturbate, try adding a blindfold and telling her to touch herself. Or, make her touch herself as she watches herself in a mirror. Or make her describe how she feels out loud as she masturbates. If you enjoy having her give you oral sex, try tying her hands behind her back and then having her kneel in front of you. The possibilities for combining even simple, basic ideas in novel ways are endless; by doing this; you can keep things new and exciting all the time. Remember: You're doing this to have fun, to share yourself and your fantasies with your partner, to make your sexual lives more exciting and dynamic, and to increase your pleasure and your partner's pleasure. There's no right or wrong way to do it. Have fun! Experiment! Be creative! And above all, enjoy yourselves! *by anonymous

He is Mine, and I am His.... Together we live in the depths of our darkest passions... One day developing more into a world of Master and Servant. A bite, a scratch, a trickle of blood... only to be share with each other and our undying love. written by: Becky I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS!

Words of a submissive/slave I am a submissive woman. I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive/slave to another in a loving relationship. I am not weak, or stupid. I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life. I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength. I look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when he is with me. I know that he will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with his strength and wisdom. He is everything to me, as I am everything to him. His touch awakens me and his thoughts free me. Only in serving him do I find complete freedom and joy. His punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that he has my bests interests always foremost in his mind. If he desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to him, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought him happiness. However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship. The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship. My body is his, and if he says I am beautiful, then I am. No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in his eyes, and because of that I hold my head high...for who can tell me that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me? If he says I am his princess, then I am that...regal and graceful, and if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Master wrong? If he says I am his toy, his slut, his tramp, then I am that...as wanton and dirty as he wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Master. My mind is his, to expand, to explore, to know as only he can. I have no secrets from him...for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly his. Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself...and I do not want walls. His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons he has decided I need, and so I learn from him. My soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at his feet. Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over me. If I were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be. The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint him is harder to bear than the physical anguish I feel when his belt caresses me with fire. I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought he puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for his, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together. His part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend his time and energy so freely on me. I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to him. I am his pleasure and his responsibility, and he takes both seriously. I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman.

by Jay Wiseman, Lady Green, Glen the Paramedic, and Dale the Actress (sanitized by GlitterOne) The Great Lies of BDSM (and a few others)... ...that we tell straight people: It's a fashion statement It's for a crafts project I fell off my bicycle ...that we tell each other: I've never even fantasized about doing that I just do this for fun. I don't need it Mistress, I'll do anything you want ...that we tell ourselves: I'm normal I always stop when I feel genuine anger I only play with people I respect I'm doing this for healthy reasons ...that dominant men tell submissive women: I think of women as equals I have a healty relationship with my mother I truly believe that it takes a strong woman to submit ...that submissive women tell dominant men: I don't have any unresolved issues regarding my father It's enough to serve you, Master. I don't need to get off I really want you to be in charge I love it when you ejaculate in my mouth Licking your feet and bottom really turns me on I like your pot belly You own me body and soul ...that submissive men tell dominant women: I'll do anything you want I exist only to serve you I don't care about getting off I regard women as superior beings You're beautiful to me I really get off on doing housework for you My wife knows that I do this ...that dominant women tell submissive men: I basically like men Wearing high heels makes me feel more powerful I can't top anybody who doesn't turn me on I never switch I love giving golden showers ...that we tell vanilla prospective play partners: It's not pain. It's just strong sensation This is fundamentally a nurturing activity Submission is empowering You need to explore this side of yourself ...that dominant women tell each other: I have the perfect slave I feel that you and I are part of a Sisterhood I can stay in top space while I'm "receiving" ...that submissive women tell each other: My Master takes good care of me I'm not really an exhibitionist I don't feel competitive towards other submissives It's OK with me if you play with my Master ...that dominant, heterosexual men tell each other: My slave never says no to me Some of my best friends are submissive men When I watch you play at a party, I don't secretly hope that you'll screw up and everyone will notice I can still be dominant after I've had an orgasm ...that submissive, heterosexual men tell each other: The most important thing is to serve the Mistress I never tell her what to do I've never gone to a professional Mistress I love it when my Mistress won't let me come for days I don't think my Mistress is fat I don't mind that you can take more pain than I can I really believe that my mission in life is to serve women I really like going down on my Mistress during her period ...that bi switches tell each other: I truly don't care which gender I play with I'm not at all homophobic I separate sex from SM Being bi is the best of both worlds I only play with people I feel intimate with I only play with other switches ...that professional Mistresses tell each other: Business is good I never have sex with a client Business is bad I always stick to my specialty and refer out clients who want other things I'd do this even if I wasn't getting paid I never need to bottom I'm always in control of the session I'm a good businesswoman My lover doesn't mind that I do this It was my choice to leave my last straight job ...and finally, the three great lies that vanilla people tell S/M people: Hearing about this doesn't shock me I know other people who are into this We negotiate everything too

The Do’s and Don’ts of Bdsm Do’s Do use common sense. Do demand that all safety precautions are being taken. Do require that personal information is shared between both before meeting. Do listen to those voices and feelings that tell you something is not quite right. Do meet in a public place. Do watch how they interact in public around others. Do set up safecalls and a safetynet. Do be realistic. Do demand you “know” someone deeply before giving over a deep trust. Do listen to your instincts, if something seems suspicious, wrong or out of the ordinary… pay attention to those red flags. Do use and demand safewords and signs… it is not a sign of weakness, it shows you care about yourself and your partner. Do make known your hard and soft limits ( Regardless of whether you are a Dominant or submissive). Do stand up and voice yourself, you are responsible for you, even if you share that with someone else. Do stay true to who you are inside, being what someone want/needs shouldn’t mean giving up who you are, it should enhance who you are. Do ask questions, it’s how you learn. Do demand that open communication be part of the relationship (from both sides). Do embrace your Dominance or submission, just don’t let it be your only way to survive and live. Do stop a meeting or scene at anytime you feel the need to do so. Do set hard limits for yourself, thinking everyone will ‘know’ that certain things are off limits is unrealistic, there are those who will ask you to do the unthinkable. Do enjoy your meeting as much as possible, relax and be yourself. Do report ANY abuse! Mental, Emotional and /or Physical… Abuse is Abuse and it’s WRONG!! Get out of your situation and report it as soon as possible. Don’ts We see a lot of Do’s with Bdsm... Here are some Don’ts that are important for your own well-being whether it be mental, emotional and/or physical. Regardless of Dom/me, Top, bottom or sub…. Your safety is your responsibility, always. Remember the first person responsible for your safety is YOU!! Do Not forget that common sense is your best friend. Do Not put your own well-being at risk. No not give out your personal information when first talking to someone. Wait until you are both very sure of things and are going to meet. It is important to share personal information when meeting so that your safecall person /s know who you are meeting / where they live/ how they can be contacted, in case there is a need to share that with authorities. Do not let someone convince you their personal information can not be shared for a meeting, if they can’t share that type of information with you, something is very wrong. No one says it has to be anything more than a name address and phone number. Do Not meet someone you don’t know very well. Do Not meet at their house or yours, find a public place. Do Not allow them to tell you , there is no need for safecalls and having your safety net, this is needed for Dom/mes and submissives alike. Do not be unrealistic , there are folks who are not who they say they are, whether it be Dominant, submissive or vanilla. Do Not compromise your safety in the name of trust, always play an active role in being safe. Do Not doubt your instincts, if something seems suspicious, wrong, out of the ordinary… pay attention to those red flags. Do Not give up safewords/signs just because someone say you can trust them with your life. Do Not let the submissive convince you they do not need a safeword because they trust you. Do Not accept or give a collar until you have met and taken the time to ‘know’ the person inside and out. Do Not give up your identity for another. Do Not accept Dominance as the answer to all. Do Not allow others to convince you that submission means being a doormat or giving up the ability to think and speak for yourself. Do Not let submissives think of you as a godlike figure, and convince you that you are unable to make mistakes. Do Not set your expectations too high, this is a time to get to know each other better , things may not feel as powerful as they did at first online. Do Not ignore your lack of comfort with a person or situation. Do Not change Your hard limits simply because you think it will make another happy. Do Not change your hard limits simply because you think it would be UnDomly to have those hard limits. Do Not let yourself think using or demanding a safeword is a failure or a weakness (it is protection). Do Not ignore warning signs , they are there to protect you. Do Not let the excitement of having found a possible partner over ride your common sense. Do Not let the thrill of experiencing ‘submission’ and/ or ‘Bdsm’ determine whether or not you use your brain to make wise decisions.

The Invitation It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!" It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. Oriah Mountain Dreamer