do you ever regret something you did in your past? Do you every miss that certain someone? That someone who you thought would never change your life but a couple years down the line you wonder what if? You never thought of that person til now. You have dreams of them and you cannot figure out why? Pretty much the person you regret losing....The person you totally screwed up with by saying "it's over" and never looking back? Wishing you had one more chance to make everything ok...Just to talk to that person or hearing their voice...The person you were so use to talk too every single day...Reading the emails they sent you over and over again and just crying...That person you'd give anything for just to talk to em..to hear their voice, their laugh, to hear them say i love you just one more time. I don't regret alot of things but this is one of them. I can't get him out of my head. No matter what i do. I even dream about him. For about a straight week now. For what reason? I have no idea. Im pretty much is as clueless as the next about it. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what i want? I just can't seem to figure it out. I feel like im a black hole. It just keeps sucking me further down. To the point i want to roll up in a ball and just say fuck the world, but i can't. I will not allow myself to fall that deep. I just want someone to believe in me. Someone i can trust completely. Some that will love me for everything i am and wouldn't hurt me at all. Which when you think about it...Is that every possible? To be completely happy? It's 5am and here i am writting away because i can't sleep. My brain never stops. I feel like im going insane. I've been hurt so many times and im so afraid of it happening again. Just like the last time...The guy fell completely off the planet apparently, but oh well no sweat off my back....But still when i put all of my heart into it for once...This is how it turns out? How is that fair? What did i do? Why wasn't i good enough? Those are the thoughts i had, but when i turn around and analyze it...It wasn't me. I did nothing wrong but try to care. It was him that wasn't good enough for me right? Argh...I just don't know anymore. Maybe just maybe ill figure everything out one day, but for now it will be the endless madness that goes on in my head. Like i always say...Just try to keep you head above the water...
