I sit in my office watching a movie I vowed I would never watch due to it would probably make me cry. And you know I hate crying, it shows I am weak at times, it shows I am a woman. I hurt and I bleed, and yes I do cry it just takes alot to get me there. So I'm watching this movie, and seeing how the leading female character changes the leading male character's life is a more positive way. I am reminded how much you mean to me. I am reminded that with just a simple look, text, or call how you ground me again. How you make this mess of a person feel so important. You seem to be willing to take my offers more now a days. Less timid to say no, and more willing to say yes when I offer to help you out. I'm starting to get you, I'm starting to fall for you, I'm starting to like this whole distance thing. I've stopped feeling like I need to be someone I am not. I can enjoy music again, I can cry, I can be weak. Because in the end I feel like you would be there to catch me, and hold me and tell me it is all going to be ok, that we have each other, and in this world isn't that enough? To be loved by you is a dream i have, to hear you say it to me, I can't imagine it, but i'm sure you'll do it in the most perfect time, at the most perfect place, and at the most perfect moment. I ate today because of you. I want to be healthy, I'm just so affraid of breaking down, so not eating is my way of controling one little thing in my life. I feel i've lost control of everything else in my life and you i'm sure know that. You keep me thinking that I am this beautiful person that I don't really see. You keep me thinking that I can be who I so want to be. So i'm going to tape Elizabethtown and I hope you'll be willing to watch it with me, and watch me cry, and watch me be weak. Because maybe than I can drop this thin wall I still have up.
