AIGHT, I LOVE DRINKING. NOT REALLY NEWS I KNOW, BUT FUCK IT'S ABOUT TIME I GAVE IT SOME PRAISE. THE ART OF DRINKING IS LOST NOW A DAYS. I MEAN IT, WITH ALL THE HEALTH FOOD NAZI'S, THE COLLEGE KIDS THAT COULDN'T DRINK 6 BEERS WITHOUT PUKING LET ALONE A 16 YEAR OLD SINGLE MALT. THE WHINERS WHO SAY THAT THEY DON'T DRINK ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY WERE FUCKTARDS BACK IN THE DAY AND COULDN'T HANDLE THIER SHIT!! THE DRUGGIES WHO SAY THAT WEED OR WHAT NOT IS BETTER THEN BOOZE. WELL THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO ALL OF THEM. FUCK YOU!! YOU FUCKING PANSY ASS PIECE OF SHIT!!! DRINKING HAS BEEN THE NUMBER ONE "IT" FOR AS LONG AS MAN HAS KNOWN HOW TO MAKE IT!!!! TO ALL YOU HIPPY FUCKS, GUESS WHAT, IT'S LEGAL!!!!! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT KILLS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH, IT'S LEGAL!!!! HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN THE US OF A HAVE JOBS BECAUSE OF THIS WONDERFUL PRODUCT. I OWN A BUSINESS BECAUSE OF IT!! IT'S CHEAP, IT WORKS, AND BY FUCKING GOD IT'S AMAZING. NOW TAKE IT FROM ME AN "EX" HARDCORE DRUGGY. I MEAN I DID IT ALL, HEROIN, SPEED, COKE, ACID, ACID, PHARMIES, YOU NAME IT I WAS DOING IT. YOU KNOW WHAT? I SPENT A SMALL FUCKING FORTUNE ON ALL THAT SHIT, AND NEVER GOT THE SHEER FUCKING FUN AND JOY THAT I DID WHEN I WAS DRINKING. MY GOD THE BEST STORIES I HAVE INVOLVE DRINKING IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. MOST FUCKING PEOPLE I KNOW HAVE AN EPIC DRUNK STORY. IF YOU DON'T THEN YOUR ONE OF THOSE LAME ASS PEOPLE FROM BEFORE WHO HAVE ISSUES AGAINST THE STUFF. YOU TIGHT ASS PIECES OF SHIT REALLY SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING SAY IJ DRINKING. SAME WITH RELIGION AS FAR AS I'M CONCEARNED. IF YOU DON'T DO IT, YOU SURE AS FUCK SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PREACH TO PEOPLE ABOUT HOW FUCKING AWFUL IT IS. LET ME GET FUCKING TRASHED, LET ME DRIVE DRUNK, SLEEP WITH NASTY FUCKERS, PUKE ON THE SIDEWALK, SCREAM AT RANDOM PEOPLE, HAVE FUN WITH FRIENDS, GET ARRESTED, GET INTO FIGHTS, ALL THE FUN AND AWESOME STUFF THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT, AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!! I KNOW I'M GOING ON A RANT, BUT FUCK!! SAME WITH THE FUCKERS THAT GIVE ME HELL FOR SMOKING!! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S GOING TO KILL ME. WE ALL DIE SOMETIME RETARD!!! WHY NOT FUCKING ENJOY IT. EAT HEALTHY, RUN MILES AND MILES, AND GUESS WHAT, YOUR STILL GOING TO FUCKING DIE YOU DIM WITTED PIECE OF SHIT!! YOUR JUST PROLONGING IT, AND MAKING THE FUN LOVING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD MISERABLE DOING IT!!! I'M GOING TO SOME THIS UP WITH THE POEM FROM THE MOVIE COCKTAIL. SHIT ASS MOVIE I KNOW, BUT IT KINDA STRIKES A CORD IN THE MOOD I'M IN AT THE MOMENT. SO YAY FOR DRINK!! HUG YOUR FAVORITE DRUNK, AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING HOLY HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN!!! PEACE OUT AND SHIT.-BILL. P.S. NAKED AND FUCKING WASTED!!!
NOW SWAY DRUNKENLY!!
I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The Alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The three-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweet and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.
