You said goodbye,
allowing the word to slide from your tongue,
making it obvious you'd said it before.
Bent out-of-shape with departure,
you leaving prematurely
molded my already mangled vertebrae into never-ending knots.
Walking on one hand and my head,
I find it difficult to hold my chin up,
preferring to shadow my eyes from the sun.
Memory's distorted phantom,
invisible within the dungeon of my brain,
plays hop-scotch across thoughts and echoing moments.
With the stone lying between "forever" and "always",
you skipped over your promises and landed directly on "leave".
As your glowing aura faded to mist,
my deadened heart leaped from chest to concrete,
splitting the way Humpty Dumpty must have.
I've forgotten how to dream in techni-hued rainbows,
though the black and white raindrops,
falling from water-logged lashes,
taste faintly of broken blooms and cold clouds.
When you left, you took creativity with you.
I suppose this explains why I'm
spinning in squares and tramping down triangles.
Vomiting words of worthless copper and exhausting my compulsive cliches,
I wonder if we wander willingly or if we're just weather-whipped.
My fantasies no longer favor my fate,
squashing our fairytale love beneath the falling London Bridge.
Racing Grandmother Turtle to save my life,
I would lose to her on any given occasion,
because
(despite the weight of the world on her shell)
I have nothing to run toward without you.
Sickened with sadness and gloomy with grief,
it pains me to ponder our powdered past
[...but oh, how your smile put stars in my skin.
The twinkling hues in the sky the night of the barbecue
silhouetted your soul as you held me.
The music from the one dance we shared still plays in my mind,
although I've long since forgotten the tune.
The gentle embrace of your arms on my waist still lingers,
the bruises of your fingertips on my flesh.
The love letters you wrote in the gazes we shared have faded,
but that doesn't mean I don't remember your eyes.
And oh, how you lit up my world with your cute dimpled cheeks;
how I wish I had pinched one before you took your leave.
The melodies you sang as we spoke on the phone took their debt,
leaving my soul begging to hear one more song.
But what pains me the most, in the glow of happy times past,
are the fights that we never did solve.
How I long to go back now and change the way our lives ended,
how I long to go back now and see you again...]
And I realize now that the blush in your eyes
was nothing but gas that was passing me by,
though I wish that your kiss was something you faked.
But I know that wishing's for losers with guilt,
and that stars are just lovers who've lost themselves to the war.
And besides,
my next birthday cake is dedicated to you,
and you know that I'll blow every candle in order to show you I'm here.
So tell me now, dear, and tell me this true:
what is it about you that somehow pulls me through,
and keeps me constantly longing to again be with you?
Because I can't take much more of these spidery veins,
and my memories have started to drive me insane;
and besides, my rhyming cannot ever show you the depth of my pain.
So stop me before I start;
catch me in your net of lonely love and shove me in a jar.
You know now that my feelings are not make-believe,
so why don't you do what you've done in the past,
and rip my heart from my chest to keep me from sliding too close?
I just hope you make a decision and do something quick,
because my soul is unravelling in your hands,
and the threads that once held me have molded and broken.
Just end my pain dear...tell me goodbye once again.
