Shauna heartsRickhearts's blog: "My Writings"

I can't allow myself to breathe And so my lungs are caving in Because I can't take in the air For it's poisoned with my sin So here I suffocate With nothing left to do Until you pull me close and whisper "I will die for you" You kiss me bittersweetly But I taste approaching death You offered your life, so I took it As I inhaled your breath I felt your spirit leave And now I don't know what to do Overcome by guilt for accepting your life For how can I even live without you? I thought I lost you forever And so I jumped into the sea I wanted to perish with you But you came back for me You carried me through a tunnel Speeding away from this black lagoon To an enchanted somewhere far away From the vultures and their wicked tune Landing gently on a private beach The portal behind us, closes The breeze carries with it, a song And the ocean is made out of roses But these flowers have no thorns I'll get lost benieth the waves I'll drown in happy thoughts And pray I never get saved You took my fate, my death as your own But that's not what God designed If you hadn't returned as this angel I see I would have been left behind You tell me there's only one place To escape my pain and despair So you died and then came back to earth Just so you could take me there But how did you know God would let you return When I was supposed to die that day You say "I knew I loved you enough" "Not even heaven could keep me away"

I never knew your touch could make me weak in the knees, just how much I could love you with every beat of my heart. It feels like i've known you forever, all my days. My heart beats for you, my smile is only for you. You stole the galaxies from the sky and set them alight in my dimples, leaving the world glowing in ways I never imagined were possible and forcing me to wonder if perhaps the world never looked so sweet because you weren’t at my side. I trust you in ways I’ve trusted no one else, leaving my scar-marred heart within your chest so that you might keep better watch over it then all others who’ve ever held it in their palms (because they always seemed to have a habit of letting it drop from their fingers and shatter upon the concrete). But you painstakingly took the time to piece my broken heart back together and put it in a glass safe where only you could touch it. You made my love yours, for eternity and beyond. I want to wake with your warm breath mingling with mine in the deepest sunrise, your arms circling my waist hearts beating against one another in a slow steady rhythm that speaks volumes about our everlasting love. You put me back together with more than just false words and rubber cement, stretching a hand out to catch me in your palms as if my fall would break your smile. I want to fall asleep knowing I’m safe through the night; I want to link my fingers with yours and travel through dreamworld together, as if the sun only sets so that we might awaken to another day. Take my hand, lead me into wonderland, our own perfect paradise. Love me like i'm your one and only. I want to be your fairy tale princess with a flowy gown made of blue silk, soft to the touch and made for me. I want to feel your lips soft against mine as you rescue me from my everyday. Your words like caresses whispered softly into my ever-waiting ears. Whisk me away into ForeverLand, promising me nothing but the pleasure of your smile tied with mine and the hopes that you will stay with me through fiery moments of topsy-turvy-tangles and a thousand storms we might never make it through otherwise. I don’t want to lose you to the stars of tomorrow or the clouds of goodbye when you’ve written your name beside mine in our own glowing constellations and have lifted me up on feathered wings. When the snow falls, are you going to be there in a picture perfect scene holding me tightly as we sit by the fire sipping hot chocolate sneaking long kisses sparked by longing in our eyes promising nights forevermore to be spent in each others arms. Kiss me now, its my goodnight wish, good luck charm. Sparkling eyes shining like the stars in heaven smiling down on the peaceful ending of another day made brighter with the promise of love ever after safe in your heart for me. Steal my breath away and store it in our memory books and write our memories into a thousand bed-time stories made for lovers and forever-couples, because just one glance at that burning look in your eyes is enough to make me want to keep you foralways. Love me as you’ve never loved anyone else, and baby, I’ll hold you higher than the moon with the strength of my love for you, because all I need are your palms encircling mine and the smile on your face that says I’m yours.

I wrote a poem for you. It's not very good but it took a lot of blood sweat and tears. Many, many tears. More than I can count. This poem contains my deepest feelings about life about death about you. It is so perfect... The best poem I've ever written. So perfectly expressed. I'd like to show you this poem. But, unfortunately, I lost it. And I can't remember the words

The world is draining slowly, I can see it in your eyes. Dull-they’ve lost the sparkle they once held; The sparkle I loved and loathed Admired and despised. No matter how loud you screamed How hard you cried, Your eyes were always diamond-dusted. Probably out of spite. Now, though, they’ve turned to stone Holding not even a fleck of glitter. I’m afraid you’ve given up Before the fight really started. Call it tragic-call it cliché I thought you couldn’t leave. No matter how loud I screamed How hard I cried You were there in the end. I must have mistaken that As meaning forever Not just for now. I must have inherited your silly assumptions along with Your eyes Nose Hair Smile. Along with that comes the knowledge That I can’t convince you to fight When you’ve already surrendered. No amount of words will make you see It’s worth it. You’re just as set in your ways [as I am] just as set in my ways as you. I think when it comes down to it What matters most is I never knew you. (you never knew me.) We’re strangers of 18 years. There’s no going back now. We’re too stubborn to fix it. Things were never perfect with us - I won’t pretend they were. But I lived with the hope that they could be Someday. I’m not so sure I can handle knowing I was wrong Yet again. Insanity is spelled C-a-n-c-e-r. And Heartbreak, spelled I-n-o-p-e-r-a-b-l-e. I can’t be the strong one this time. I can’t pretend I’m alright. I can’t hold everyone else together When I’m about to break. Please understand when you ask these things of me. No, instead, this time I will be a baby (like I always should have been) I will scream and I will cry And I will curse God and everyone I love. I will push them away in memorial to all the years We pushed each other. And I will break. And I will be weak. Because you won’t be here to tell me not to. Something needs to be spoken aloud: No matter what I said in the past No matter how much I denied it, I admire you. I DO want to be just like you And I’ll never stop trying. I’m sorry I never told you that before now. I hope you can forgive me. You always said one day I’d have kids And they’d act ten times worse than I did. I hope that’s true. And I hope they love me even half as much as I love[d] you.

Gentle soul I can not ease your journey nor tell you where it is your steps must fall I can not turn back time nor erase what's done fate will not bend to the will of mortals and my tears cannot wash away your pain or regret I can do naught but lend these meager hands to help you up should you stumble I can offer no solution but lend these shoulders to help support your burdens I can work no spell but lend this heart to listen when you need to speak or comfort where you will let me I wish only for the gods/goddesses to bless you with the strength to weather the storm that your wounds will mend that your heart will sing once more that your smile will reach your eyes that your inner beauty will shine with light of a thousand stars again without the clouds of sorrow as cover that you will see tomorrow with new hope I can give you nothing but my friendship support and love and pray that that will be enough

she sits staring across storm clouds eyes filling with the grey and rain hoping to wash her heart less visible gathering threads of tattered silver linings weaving them into lost fairytales to veil glistening mercury lashes she only shines when no one is looking she sheds tears in pale lavender petals too small to fall they scatter the sky particles of dreams too long left to chance shimmering like scales from lunar moth wings collecting as dust in lightning strikes it's so easy to fill your eyes with thunder when all you see are the faded reflections she's searching through constellations folded up like a love note read too many times bent and worn along familiar illusions tender whispers and serene embraces slipping through sighs like moonbeams on water gathering every wish into her milkyway locket to tuck away safe for the next starless night she's dreaming across heartbeats in hurricanes hoping the storm will somehow wash her beautiful

I want to: crawl under your skin baby. make your blood boil with lust. dreams and show you what love is. then crush you. I want to see you cry the tears that deserve to fall. and your heart is cold. I want to shatter it. I'd never dream physical pain on you dear. just mental anguish and oh. how I'd revel in it. no. I'd never wish death on you. I just hope someone that you love dies. I want you to cringe in disgust when you breathe. and I want you to fucking hurt. dear love. I never want you to be happy. and I'd gladly slit my wrists in front of you. if only I'd have the pleasure of seeing your face everytime you tried to sleep. with that on your fragile mind. I want you to die emotionally. but live forever. this is how I love you.

Sweat dripping down my naked, depleting body, no nutrition allowed to touch the shallowness of my lips. You created my dungeon long before I knew who you were. The mildew smells so potent it feels like my insides are going to burn me alive. You view me, touch me, taste me, at your pleasure, torture me with the pain I have caused you. Why can't I move, I can't move.... you fucken chained me, my arms are limp, the clamps are sculpting my skin to your liking. Blood is the only taste of life I am allowed as it trickles down my flesh. Why are you laughing..... because this dungeon is your heaven.... my hell has become your heaven.... feed me can't you see I need to live.... you eat as though you are in a feast.... feasting upon my frail body.... my legs wrapped around your devouring head.... licking, tasting, as I am an addiction, my pussy is your addiction..... you want to kill me don't you..... I asked you "how would you want to kill me" you stated with chemicals..... CHEMICALS...."fuck you" do you hate me so much.... and love me so much that you want to hold me as I die.... slowly... each chemical eating away at the pathway my blood once took.... owning my body with the posion of death.... as you own my pussy with the pleasure of your mouth...... Hanging here in this dark room, these ropes don't bother me as much as the penetration you are inducing on me, continuesly, each thrust your getting closer, closer to my lungs, to my heart, I feel you so deep to my throat.... your desires are dark... tearing me in half.... then storing both pieces to create more of me.... you are dangerous, dangerously crazy, dangerously deranged, dangerously delicious.... delicious as I, and again you begin to feast.....

Lick my tears as ice meets hell, slipping away the sugar that winter holds under the cold image of a sun. Not our sun. You reply. Encase my saliva in the spools of thread, you whisper through sewn lips of reactions to scarlet letters that your father carves to the curves of our hands…not your hands. Tormented memories of you and I, I and you, the beloved chemistry of two, while pillars collapse under the house of Rome, suffocation of my will, justification of yours. Tweeze my lungs with the penetration of a predator, mangled energies of witches on Eastwick, across the Earth swallowing solace in space, under umbrellas of broken window… pains you will never escape. Confusion sets the illusion that buries your bones in the glow of my skin, polish the pretty smile, the pretty person, the pretty heart and I will slice it as a servant does with bread. I reply. Holding captive yours will hold hostage mine as I beg, you beg, bringing reflections of mirrors back…words…to for…words Hate me…Love me…TORTURE me with you.

She rarely spoke of her start in life Or the years she'd worked to overcome strife And all anyone saw was the smile in her eyes Too smug and self-righteous to ever realize Her tenderness, fragile, like a dream on the wind Made her easy to crush when she needed a friend When the love of her life loved someone else And spun her joy into a version of hell She sought out her comfort in the hugs of others But it was clear from their words they felt so far above her: it could be worse - don't cry do not weep you have no right here you sit so sad and sighing while half the world is dead or dying they shamed her heart with verse upon verse of "just remember - it could always be worse" -------- She moved on and found new smiles Worked at making life worthwhile But soon enough the hard times hit The kids were hungry in clothes unfit She toiled from dawn till late at night Though sad and worn she did not cry Until one day in weariness She wept to friends of her distress But once again they could not see Past their own big heads to their friend in need it could be worse - don't cry do not weep you have no right here you sit so sad and sighing while half the world is dead or dying they tore her heart with verse upon verse of "just remember - it could always be worse" -------- Then one day on a warm spring morning She fell to sickness with little warning The doctor confirmed her silent fears And told her she'd reached the dusk of her years Her heart was sad and she ached for friends For someone who'd hold her and help face the end But alone she drew her final breath And her "friends" were surprised when they heard of her death By way of GoodBye she left a few simple words And prayed they'd be heeded and not go unheard: You always told me not to cry That as for weeping I had no right When I was sad and fell to sighing You said just think, you could be dying You broke my heart with your careless verse Don't you know I knew it could have been worse? I only wanted warmth and love But no matter my need it was never enough My last dying hope is that somehow you'll see How hurtful and careless your actions can be And maybe the next time a "friend" needs some care You will be kinder, and you will be there So farewell, remember, the point of this letter: It could have been worse, but it should have been better.