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I hate my job, hate dealing with mom every day, not having a life, gaining weight again cause I'm depressed and I don't eat right when depressed. I am 27 fucking years old and live under the same roof as my mother. I hate my fucking job, and I have never hated my job. I have no life, mom gives me shit cause I have no friends but freaks out when I try and go anywhere or do anything. I can't even call anyone while she's up, and yet she doesn't go to bed 'til after midnight.
Ok, let's start with work: The company that owns our building is not paying bills, whether they aren't able to or just won't, well we're not really sure. The building is so old and a POS we're not even worth selling anymore. Stress there is horrible cause we all know it's only a matter of time before there's nothing left for us to hold together, even though the corporate office denies these claims. Those of us that are left are only still there because of the residents. That also means short staffed so too many hours, and being the assistant director it gets dumped on me, cause the director is being a bitch and always coming up with a reason why she can't do an extra shift. I'm the only one of the "bosses" that has yet to take a vacation, and every time I try to even get one extra day off I get called in. I'm so close to telling them to shove it up their ass and if there were more nursing opportunities here I would.
Ok, on to mom now: If I have one more person tell me to move out of my mom's house they're going to get shot. First off, the house is mine, not hers. Next thing I get told when I say that is put her out. Well, my mother is unable to work, she has Hepatitis C. So now that adds not only do I live in the same house, but I pay her medical bills. We are in the process of getting SS and Medicaid, but it's a long process. Another thing I get told is just tell her to shut up and butt out. Anyone that knows me at all knows I won't tell my mother that. I have someone in SC who I know cares deeply about me, but lately mom hasn't even been going to bed until after midnight...that's 1am there, so I haven't even heard his voice all week (mom gets all butthurt when I make a call when she's still up) "So find an outlet for the frustrations" Well, sex is a wonderful outlet, but then we get back to the mom butting in thing...
All of this leads up to depression... I am an eater, like many people. I get down about myself and things, I eat. Well, on top of this, I am a diabetic, so not only do I eat, I eat the wrong damn things. So, I am gaining back the weight I've lost, that simply depresses me more, so I eat more, and I gain more...I do have an appointment with my Dr next week, and I will be telling her to put me on something for depression. I can't handle it anymore, and I can't sleep (as you can tell by the time stamp of this), so that leads to bitchy at work yadda yadda. It's all a vicious cycle and I can't seem to break it.
A solution? I might be making a trip north, hitting NC and VA (best friend in Norfolk) in August, but plans for that can't take place until after I know when a training meeting for all the facilities in Texas owned by the same company, and they can't get their shit together and decide when we're doing this. All we get told is "sometime in August, late in a week." When I go, I'm leaving for at least a week, and if they don't get their shit figured out I'm just going to go and tell them to shove it up their asses. I've given more then enough to this company, and it's time for the assholes to give something back.
PS. I do feel quite a bit better now. I want to thank those of you that care enough to read this.
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