Pish Posh's blog: "~Dark Poems~"

There are times when I'm inconsolable when the world around me becomes too much and my demons come out to feast on me again There are times when I'm hopeless when I'm too lost to return home and I don't need your comforting touch I just need to be left alone to sit quietly in the dark Don't offer me a friendly hand nor a tender embrace of love Just let me surround myself with shadows and let my troubles eat me whole Don't try to save me when I can't be saved and keep your tender words for another day a day when the tides of my heart have changed and my soul flows the other way But until that time remember that I love you and that you're still the keeper of my heart but for the moment love is not my friend and your tender touch and sweetest smile are like poison to my aching soul So let me be Let me sit alone in the dark Let me find comfort in forgotten lusts Let me bandage my heart with solitude and dry my tears with time I know that you understand and I pray that you'll return Because I long for when I can emerge from these shadows and once again cherish the smile glistening across your sweet, tender face

I don't expect you to understand me I know how I act the words that I say the things that I feel and the way that I live my life are all mysteries to you. You held me you cherished me and now you watch me disappear fading into the mist of a darkened wood heading down paths you dare not tread and opening doors you thought locked for good But that's where we're different you and I where you saw safety I saw a prison Where you saw a closed door I saw opportunity Where you saw taboo I saw nothing but emptiness and lies So no, I don't expect you to understand me No more than I understand you and your laws and your petty ideals But I ask you to let me live as I let you Give me the freedom I crave Spare me your ill tongue or your spiteful gaze I offer neither to you All I seek is the freedom I need the freedom to open the doors the freedom to chase my trails and the freedom to follow the dreams that suit me That is all I ask of you and that is all I ask of the world. Because I can break all of the ties that bind me save the ones imposed by my fellow man in a senseless bid for safety in a world missing all notion of compassion I can throw my shackles aside and unlock my own chains all while rotting in a world devoid of even the basic concept of understanding

On a long and solemn night in the middle of a southern summer we sat underneath the moonlight whispering in the dark though a million words were said not a one could be heard over the sound of teardrops falling into the dew-soaked grass Just when the shattering of two hearts grew too much to bear our minds started wondering pondering what was said searching for right answers to questions never asked seeking what could have been while watching what we had blow away with the winds of heavy breaths Slowly we found ourselves hanging to every word like reading the last chapter slowly just trying to postpone the end Because when we run out of things to say and goodbye can be said no more we're disappearing into the distance like mist fading into the cooling air Soon there will only be memories and the photographs that remain cold comfort for an empty pillow and the questions wrapped around my head I just hope that you think of me at least until the end of time that you won't lose me like I lost you on that solemn night when the teardrops fell through the warm summer air

Sometimes I think of you and wonder where you are and if you think of me on lonely nights or dream about me when there's nothing left to dream I don't expect you to miss me and I know the phone will never ring with your voice hanging on the other line but I have to know if I'm in your thoughts or if you forgot about me like you promised you never would I can't bear the thought of what we shared being nothing than a footnote in a forgotten chapter of your life and even though I only think of you during the loneliest hours of the night Part of me is still hoping that you're thinking of me when I'm busy not thinking of you So shed not a tear for what we lost nor heave a sigh for what could have been Just let me grace your thoughts when the night hangs long and low and everything will be right when we awake in the worlds we've created in the many years we've been apart

I remember the electricity when our hands first touched the newness the excitement the taste of the forbidden. It was a breaking of tension the end of a game and the beginning of so much more As our lips touched tasting each other first softly then firmly then openly we watched our inhibitions float away turning unthinkable thoughts into heavenly deeds as our willpower collapsed in the wind a quivering breath But as we fade from mortal souls and slip into a torrent of passion and desire let's not fool ourselves about forever nor pretend this is something grand Let's be in love for one night so we can watch it fade when the morning comes Let's live a lifetime in these moonlight hours and never look back in the dawn Because we both have lives to lead and our own trails to blaze and even though tonight we burn for each other our fire will smolder and die under the weight of the morning dew And then we can spend the rest of our lives forgetting about this night the night we gave in to an electric touch and caressed away our deepest desires

The night sun burns bright this evening as it watches us dance in the rain We pick its fruits and share its bounty as we embrace its cold, crystal air It sparkles in our eyes with every longing gaze and fills the air between every soft kiss It opens up the darkness so we can live as kings owning the world around us freeing us from the burdens of man and the inhibitions of mortal life It gives us two hopeless lovers a place to call our own as the rest of the world cools in the shroud of darkness and slumbers the hours away The night sun is our sun It asks for nothing It takes nothing Instead offering us a place to dance hand in hand until the morning comes Watching us with misty tears that turn to dew as they touch the grass beneath the feet of two hopeless lovers who are finding one another in a clearing of darkness made by the smiling face of the nighttime sun and owned for a moments eternity by two lovers dancing in the cold midnight rain

Seven years I've spent trying to dodge the lies living life from joy to meaningless joy filling the void with shameful highs and pretending it's the dream I kept inside I've given into temptation until there's nothing left to surrender and now I only see tearful nights awaiting me as I stare into my future's horizon Because it's just another need to me like the food I eat it's hunger cured with shame and a pain that stains my pillow when I try to rest on those empty nights wasted where I don't belong getting things I'll never need I never beat my demons just changed them ones with smiling faces while carrying promises never meant to be held I pretended everything was fine when I was more broken than ever just a shell of who I could have been and a shadow of what I was before I want to turn and face the truth but how can I fight who I am How can I conquer what I need when I feel it beating within my veins So as I lay here temporarily pacified with tears of shame streaked across my face and broken promises ringing in my head I cower in the dark again too weak to stand up to myself powerless to challenge who I am even as the world plays my weaknesses like a bow on a violin I know the struggle will never end only abated by momentary joys Even when gazing into the eyes of love I'm just a pathetic soul born again just to be sacrificed like so many times before in these seven years I've lived through the blur of addict's eyes where highs are lows and everything in between is a bed of lies and though I see the truth now and gaze upon my sins with open mind the world remains unchanged For it's seven years until tomorrow tomorrow when I'll be broken again just another empty day spent bowing before my vices while trying to call it life between dodging the lies and living the meaningless joys I've come to know so well

I would have told you I love you if we hadn't been saying goodbye With the end always a breath away it never seemed real to me like vapors disappearing before my eyes and even though you're gone today there's a ghost lurking within my mind I wanted you to know me to make sense of a heart gone wrong I wanted you to need me like I needed you and to wash away the sins of thought and deed You were too perfect to grasp and too wonderful to touch but now that you're gone all I have are memories fading and a ghost walking withing my mind It's only now that you haunt me on quiet, lonely nights when the wind carries your name into my ears leaving me adrift in a sea of regret and remorse I can't face who I am much less what I've become Just a wounded soul living in an broken heart walking these empty halls hoping to catch a glimpse of the ghost stalking within my mind

Sitting in a late-night diner ordering the stiffest drink they sell twisting cigarettes into the tabletops and drifting with my mind Another night alone given to misspent folly trading one emptiness for another and opening up the wounds all over again. With my back against the wall I watch the seconds tick away twirling my finger in cold coffee passing the time until the tears fade away trying to decide just who I am searching for answers in the hazy air around me Lost and hopeless trying to find my way through a smoky diner and hoping to find truth in the arms of another But all I see is a revolving door just a million pieces of flesh each like the last parading before my eyes The air is thick and cold my body turning numb listening for my beating heart in the stiffening silence around me Stuck teary-eyed and alone stirring coffee in a late-night diner trying to find something higher in the haze as I wonder among broken dreams and the shattered hearts around me As I leave I know the way I walk I know the streets well and I know the city around me But no matter how many times my feet carry me to my door and into the comfort of my bed I'll never know the way home in this sea of misspent nights too blinded by the tears and haze of a late-night diner and the swirls of a stirring cup of cold coffee shifting idly at my lap

When I look into your eyes I see that something has been left behind through the smiles and gentle kisses I see a heart still longing a touch left unfulfilled a kiss that is vapor to the wind I'm ninety-seven percent of what you need inches away from being complete I could be your everything your only wish your only dream if only I weren't so human and so bound within myself But instead I'm ninety-seven percent leaving love unfulfilled and dreams untouched just an imperfect hand grasping at perfection watching as you drift to the horizon with your sliver of emptiness eating you away seeking perfection with longing eyes leaving me behind with every step you take I know it's only time until you're gone the quest for completion pulling you away leaving my only dream shattered my everything gone and the ninety-seven percent of what I was destroyed Too imperfect to be immortal and not enough to be your one true love just inches away from keeping you but miles away from feeling your embrace I can only watch as you disappear into the blinding horizon light slipping into your perfect love without my ninety-seven percent heart or the emptiness it leaves inside