Pish Posh's blog: "~Dark Poems~"

How we long for nights like these Where time seems to freeze In the chilly midnight air And we have nothing to do But hold each other tight In a warm, tender embrace But as I strain to pull you closer Close enough to feel your heartbeat Pounding in my hands I see that no words are worthy Of how I feel right now And close to you Is never close enough

If you go down to the corner of Kings and Queens you'll find the classiest shops and countless boutiques selling priceless antiques But somewhere amongst the glitter and fashion you'll find a red-capped wanderer that loves laughing at the rain If you go down to the corner of Kings and Queens you'll find department stores and the endless wails behind the going-out-of-business sales But somewhere amongst all of the fear and the change you'll find a red-capped wanderer who loves laughing at the rain Now if you go down to the corner of Kings and Queens you'll find buildings for sale and the women so destitute that they've become prostitutes But somewhere among all of the sex and the violence You'll find a red-capped wandered who still loves laughing at the rain

I remember well sitting in class making models of airplanes and drawing pictures of rocket ships I saw myself as a pilot soaring far above the clouds or as an astronaut tearing through the blackness of space To me, time was infinite the days were always sunny and if I needed a new dream all I had to do was take a look at one of my perfect drawings of rocket ships But then the teacher came to me and told me that my drawings were wrong The class was making pictures of rainbows and butterflies and there was no room for my rocket ships To this day I can hear the children laughing at me and I can still feel their fingers pointing at my tears For me, every second seemed like an eternity as the storm clouds rolled across my mind and those precious dreams faded away with tears dripping on the paper I held I ripped apart those perfect drawings of rocket ships Now I draw different pictures Pictures of the images in my mind No one tells me there's no room for my drawings No one laughs at me for what I make Rather, they just turn away too scared too scared to look at my work they leave me to wonder how I became who I am turned into a man with no time for senseless things a man with too busy crying to notice the rain and a man without the stomach to dream because he cries when he hears about astronauts and weeps at pictures of rocket ships

I said "I love you" today I tried hard to make you believe it I tried hard to believe it myself But the truth is that I hate you my love I hate you now and I hated you when I said it When I look into your eyes all that I can see is a string of broken promises lies stacked upon lies things that you wanted to do but never tried and the countless missed opportunities created by the millions of precious moments I'll never get back Yes, I hate you I hate who you are I hate what you've made me and most of all I hate what we've become Even if I could love you and all of your cruel ways I could never love what we've become a sickening, rotten display of denial a putrid example of naivete run amok and a horrid case of idealism gone too far I don't love you but I love who you were supposed to be I love what I thought you were but you never understood yourself you never make an attempt to understand me and now no one not even the Gods above can understand us So why, why do I say I love you? Is it a reflex or perhaps just words uttered in fear? No, my love, I say I love you because they are just words to me words like any other in the language the only difference is that they're the ones you want to hear and until you want to hear others I'll repeat them to you again and again and again just because I've lost the will to fight I've lost the heart to argue and I truly don't care enough to speak the truth If that's your idea of love then I hope you enjoy it It's the way you made me the way you taught me the way you groomed me and I hope you enjoy your "I love yous" because I know you've worked so hard for them and even though they're shallow and wasted they're just like the love we share I think even you can agree that they're the perfect words for you even if they're words just like any other words in the language.

There's a serpent wrapped around my heart and he's smiling up at me He hisses softly as he squeezes tighter slowly strangling me with every beat Though I fight and though I scream I'm helpless as he wrings the tears from my eyes All I can do is watch in silence as he crushes my soul and feasts on its remains Even though I want him to go I can't ask him to leave because I don't even know his name There's a serpent wrapped around my heart and he looks like he's ready to strike He's hungrily eyeing everything I have and licking his fangs in desire He sees my friends, he sees my love and he wants them all for himself If I just let him out he'd devour it all and grow fat with misery inside my chest But though I want him to stop I can't ask him to leave because I don't even know his name There's a serpent wrapped around my heart and now he's calling out to me. He knows who I am He knows what I want and with forked-tongue whispers he works it all against me He tries to fill me with hate by pumping me full of greed and disgust thus shattering what little will I had before And though I don't want his curse I can't ask him to leave because he doesn't even have a name

Somewhere near the shores of dreaming overlooking the cliffs of humanity there is a spot where the rocks jut skyward and the seas of pleasure and pain meet before crashing into the pillar of stone Though the sun is always shining bright and the view is forever perfectly clear there is nothing but confusion and chaos upon this column of jagged stone This is where our hearts are forged where our very souls are cast and made But most of all, it is where we all return on those endless nights when we're searching searching for something more Each and every one of us has been here though none of us have seen this place We've all stood upon that mighty stone and stared longingly into space We dream of Gods and demons we dream of memories gone by we inhale the salty scent of love and heartache as the seas of agony an extacy mingle at our feet We all know this place exists we feel it in the pit of our being We know the loneliess found atop the stone and the frustration of never seeing enough We've all leaned forward that one hair too far and screamed as we were grabbed by the sea beneath us where we get tossed and turned just another lost soul trying to swim for shore while drowning in himself But it's there on the shores of dreaming as wet, naked and battered souls we finally gain the wisdom we sought As we cough up the last drops of misery we see the miracle in just being alive Overwhelmed, we start dancing skipping down the black glass beach of dreaming singing a song, flinging the notes at the air Maybe we're laughing at teardrops or crying at the wind but at least we're free from that jagged stone at least until we come searching searching again for something more...

I remember how it began with tempers flaring and heartache nearing We were saying words never meant to be said and now we're hurting one another just because we were too weak to face ourselves We cry because we love We cry because we care But we forget that in this world everything has a price and that even teardrops aren't free I held your head in my arms and I tried to caress the pain away But no matter how much I wiped your eyes or took back the words I said I couldn't stop you from hurting and as pain creates pain and suffering creates suffering It becomes clear that we live in a world where everything has a price and even teardrops aren't free As I'm driving off into the distance I can see you standing there waving with the tears still fresh on your face I try to remember every word we said and I try to understand the price I'm paying as I speed into the darkness of uncertainty leaving pieces of myself behind pieces that are mere tokens demanded by a world where everything has a price and even teardrops aren't free Now we're miles apart my love and I haven't seen your face in years but your pale blue eyes still haunt me every night as I drift off to sleep I hear you've moved on with your life and that you've found another lover one that only makes you smile But I'm still crying my love I'm still caressing the pain and I'm still paying the toll claimed by this world where everything has a price and even teardrops aren't free

As time goes by I've found myself gripping my life tighter and tighter clinching my dreams in the palm of my hand protecting them from the winds that howl around me Like grains of sand they slip through my fingertips first one then another then another each of them crawling out of my tight embrace before finding a trail of wind and floating into distant oblivion I feel my fist of dreams get lighter and lighter I watch my smiles and hopes get carried off in the breeze and I smell the vapour of a thousand broken promises drifting away it's as if the grains of my life are marching marching away to the meter of a quickening clock Hours pass like minutes minutes pass like seconds and soon my hand feels empty so hollow and betrayed With a heavy heart and tear-streaked eyes I slowly open my fist and there, in the middle of my palm rested the last dream I held It was an unimportant, meaningless dream forgotten so long ago With it's brothers and sisters all gone it seemed so petty and trite like a shadow of a faded image or a memory of a an ideal long discarded I had no choice but to let it fall and watch it float like a leaf to the ground All that I can do is hope someone will see it there and take it up as their own or that some lost heart will catch one of my countless dreams as they're blown away by the winds that howl around me

There's a new moon out tonight and it's the darkest night of the year You can hear children crawling beneath their beds and clutching their sheets in fear while murmuring their prayers and hitting their lights as they wait for the sun to appear There's a new moon out tonight and it's the coldest night I've seen Lovers lay close by fires burning bright slowly breathing in the soothing scene as they smell the smoke from a thousand chimneys and watch as they give the air a hint of filthy green There's a new moon out tonight and it's the quietest ever heard No cars nor boots traverse the streets as the night forever remains unstirred with its perfect stillness only broken by the silent flapping of shadowy birds There's a new moon out tonight and I can feel it call my name Though it sits still and cold it whispers all the same calling me to walk the empty streets perhaps to join her in a game So though there's a new moon out tonight it rests alone no more It has me by its side to share the things the night has in store and it's there I'll walk in the chilling air until my moon sinks below the floor only to rise again another night to call me out my door

I saw you today tossing love letters into an open fire letting our memories burn and twist in the somber setting of a silent flame I know that you're hurting love I know that what I've done is wrong and that tears can't extinguish this kind of roaring flame But don't let it be over don't let our love disappear too much blood and ink have been spilled to just turn it all to smoke rising out of an open fire If I meant anything to you and if our love has to be a memory please bury it under lock and key and don't let it spread in the winds that cut through this autumn air I know that you owe me nothing especially not my dignity or my respect but I'd like to be remembered my love even if only in spite I want my words to have more meaning than just a column of wind-whipped smoke and I want our memories to last longer than a small box of hand-written letters tossed into the heart of a roaring open fire