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What are you waiting for?
I lay awake afraid to sleep, afraid the bad dreams will come as they so often do. As my eyes get heavy, i fight to stay awake until i can't fight any longer. I drift off into a deep sleep where darkness surrounds me and the monster lurks in the shadows awaiting my return. I know he is there for he always is, waiting and feeding off my fear. I hear him coming, he knows i am here, there's no where to escape him in my dreams where i relive his horrors night after night. I toss and turn in my sleep, trying to escape his grasp, he is getting closer and closer. I now feel his hot breath on my neck, as chills run down my spine. He has found me once again, i am in his house of horrors once more. I fight to break free as the monster inflects unspeakable pain on me. the pain so intense, my fear rising, my mind racing, wondering will this be the end for me, will he take my life this time. The monster smiles at me as i cry out in pain, begging for it to stop. Just when i can't take anymore, i awake with a scream, in a dark room, my hair drenched in sweat, now sobbing, and scared. I gently awake my love telling him i need him, for the monster has returned yet again to invade my dreams . He wrap's his arms tightly around me, holding me close assuring me the monster is gone, as i drift off to sleep in the only place i feel safe, in his arms.
June 29th 2009
Why does no one hear me ? Its as if i've disappeard. I think my words are clear. I'm invisable to the eye. Just watching my friends go by. I shout so loud, Can't you hear me ?. I sit here in the corner all quiet, I have given up all hope. As i watch my friends move on, they don't notice i am gone. But just keep living on. I can't express my feelings, cause no one seems to hear. Locked out by a see through wall. And no one answers to my call.
Alone i sit and stare into my soul. A place far from here, far from hurt, far from everyone. In this place i hear no one but me, safe in my world. I suffer no others expectations and wants of me. Alone there i can be just me. No having to live for everyone else,only just me. Locked away in this world i see no pain, only sweet silence amidst the perpetual darkness. For here my soul can roam free to bne that it wishes to be. No need to touch, feel or love another. No talking from those i care not to hear, no nothing, no love, no fear. I would give my all if i could just stay there, to wonder its existance and see myself whole. If i could only stay in this magical place. But i know i must leave. For to stay to long could easily lead to madness. How lovely though it would be to throw away all my cares and stay amidst my silent world. Safe where i can be just me.
My eyes pulling up at the vast nothingness above. Each piece of the stability that held me now falls beneathe. My body collapsing into this debris of what once was muffled screams, ensure me that i'm still breathing and it only took seconds for my present to be the past. Completey helpless while you watch yourself falling expecting death but suprisingly you can still hear your heart beating and now awaiting the bottom which you don't even know exist. But for now in your whirlwind being blown anywhere. As i have so many times before i've never made it to the Bottom. But i hope falling blinded, even if i am alone the bottom will bring my stable sanity that will cradle me in heavily needed peace.
