This morning on I-35, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new ACURA doing 75 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver,
which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car
using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked
my cell phone away from my ear which fell
into the coffee between my legs, splashed,
and burned Big Oscar and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers
