Blueflamesroses's blog: "Dad"

In the silence I hear the wind whispering your name. It calls to me so breathlessly enticing me to play this game. Rendered speachless unable to disobey I walk into the lions den. I come unprepared to fight this fight I know that you will win. Speak to me, leave me not in suspense, of what will be my fate. Calm my fears with gentle hands before it is too late. Take me in your arms and hold me close I need your healing touch. I refuse to be the only one here who stands without a crutch. You are my stability when this world spins out of control. You keep me from the perils I face when I lend my heart out on patrol. Come closer dear your breath I can not feel upon my flushing skin. Take me now to that sacred place where only you are allowed in. Make me scream with tortured desire for your intimate carress. Teach me what it is that you need to make your mind regress. I am waiting for your body to take possession of all of me. I am on my knees begging for you to take from what you see. I have surrendered completely to your every whim and desire. My soul, my body is tingling with an unquenchable fire. Take now for there may not be another time so right. Relinguish the urge to stand and fight. In this moment I have given all that I have to give. I wait only for you to teach me how to forgive. The pain endured at your hands was great. Yet in your arms I know lies my fate.

Close my eyes, bring the sweet relief that I do crave. Take my last breath, I no longer wish to be lifes slave. Take total control of the when's and the why's. Put out the fury that is visable within my eyes. Surround me now in a bed of roses, thorns inbedding in my skin. This ritual of perpetual exhaustion must now come to an end. Leave me here where I do lay to enjoy the freedom I have found. Cover me in the dark richness of the unforgiving ground. Say good bye with out the tears and the sorrow, I'm where I long to be. Live your life with the gleaming knowledge that now the truth I can see. Close the door on the emotions that once held us together. Know that in death I have attained that once sought after love that lasts forever.

I surrender, heart and soul to your unyielding demands. I crumble at your feet waiting for your harsh reprimands. Mercy is a myth that I do not expect nor care to receive. I choose this punishment though it's harsher than you may believe. Your will I bend to, your bidding is what I seek to do. Nothing can compare to the wrath I feel when I disappoint you. Pain and torture is what I know I will gain. Just for being in your presence the scars will long remain. This body, this life is nothing without the reassurance of your glance. Some may call me demented, others just the victim of circumstance. They know nothing of the joy that you do bring. They only see the terror that in my face does ring. They tell me that love should be cherished, that I should be your charm. Not a hand should reach out towards me with the intent of harm. Do they not see that it's the pain that makes me this way? Can they not understand this is my choice no matter what they say? One day I will not awaken, I will lie with lifeless eyes. I will begin a new journey one filled with honesty instead of lies. That is my aim, my goal in this cruel world. To see beyond the anguish that man has unfurled.

Save me from myself, from the dangers my mind does hold. Keep at bay the stories that have yet to unfold. Pretend with me for a moment that this is where my life began. Don't look into my past you'll only find a detailed battle plan. There is no yesterday that can compare to what tomorrow may have in store. There is no sanity in today without the promise of more. There is nothing inside nor nothing left out that can be changed. You will find my life is scattered and my mind a bit deranged. I do not claim exclusivity nor would I ask that of you. I do not need the torture of not knowing what you would do. I am content with the life that I have made. I do not need the knowledge that this too will soon fade. Keep me in the darkness, for that is where I am at home. I feel no desire to hunt nor a desire to roam. I am a woman, there is nothing more that I wish to be. Not even the depths of the ocean can penetrate the stillness that has settled inside of me.

I long for your gentle touch, it brings me such delight. You chase away the demons, leave me no reason to fight. In your arms there is no terror, I am untouchable. With you right beside me my hunger is insatiable. Hold me close don't let me go. Stay with me tonight, the peace you bring I ache to know. There is no yesterday when I am wrapped in your embrace. Tomorrow is clear when I look into your sweet face. I ask not for promises or for words that you don't mean. Later I will worry about the tears that will flow like a stream. There are no questions floating through my mind. There is only a serenity that I was sure I would never find.

His breathing is shallow, his body is weak. He can't find comfort, yet in our touch that's what he seeks. The strongest man that I have ever known. Now sits before me no pity time has shown. He hasn't really changed not when you look deep inside. He's weary and tired yet he still has his pride. My heart wrenches as I look into his eyes. I fall to pieces as I listen to his painful sighs. Tears stream down my face as he struggles to breathe. Anger and fear rages, I can't help but to grieve. For the man that made me who I am today. For the agony he feels that I can't abate in any way.