D/s is not primarily about sex or sexual expression, it's about ...
...dynamic power exchange.
...exchanging power.
...mental & emotional needs and wants being fulfilled. The physical part is just a component of that, although a fun one.
...the emotions in both the Dominant and the submissive that can only be fulfilled through honest, open communication which leads to a relationship of Respect, Trust, Understanding, and the ability to satisfy the needs of one's partner in ways "ordinary" people would neither comprehend or accept.
...reaching a deep, erotic place in our individual psyches. It is about a higher, more extreme ecstasy.
...to me, it is a 90% state of mind; choice of lifestyle. The sexual is an added bonus.
...the consensual exchange of power and control between individuals. It does not need sex or rely on sex to exist.
...the sharing, caring, cherishing, freedom and infinite closeness that comes from revealing one's innermost pleasures/fantasies to one's beloved.
...the meeting of two halves to make the whole.
...respect, trust, integrity, loving, caring, communication, understanding, meeting the needs of others and discovery of one's true self.
...a relationship between two people where the needs of both are satisfied, in a way that fulfills the emotional, physical and intellectual desires of the Dominant and submissive partners.
...the exchange of Power and exchange of Responsibilities.
...D/s (and B/D and S/M) is in fact, primarily about sex and sexual expression. It is a form of sexual methodology that should be exciting to both parties. Several authors including the author of "SM101" state that if you're not doing it as a form of sexual expression, then why are you doing it?
...total trust and caring from the submissive and the Domme's/Dom responsible, never to abuse that.
...a lifestyle that incorporates the realm of sexuality, sensuality, sadism and masochism, of a relationship between two willing partners in an equal exchange of the essence of power between them, of fear and excitement, that overwhelms the body and the mind, of strength and spirit that captures the soul of those involved...and of trust, between all involved in this lifestyle we have chosen as ours.
...control.
...an Emotional and Spiritual connection. It is a mental state of mind, not a physical one.
...transfer of control from one person to another. It's about being able to trust someone enough to give them the gift of total submission, knowing that the trust will not be violated. And it is about taking the responsibility to never violate that trust, and make the sub feel safe, secure, and well taken care of, so that they can give that gift without reserve.
...power exchange based upon a mutuality of respect and trust and predicated upon an attempt to meet the needs and desires of the partners.
...an erotic, sensual form of communication between two or more people, which can encompass the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects of the participants, either all at once or in part.
...building a relationship of Trust and Love, one block at a time.
...the willing exchange of power, expressed through many different means. Voice, touch, restraint, use of toys, sensory deprivation, often geared to causing the sub to achieve sub-space, "a state of grace", and the Dom's satisfaction & GRATIFICATION, by what He or She sees unfold before Their eyes. This followed up with mutual aftercare is an experience that transcends anything sexual.
...it is primarily the mind and mental games that D/s's play with each other.
...trust, intelligence, and learning the values of self.
...it is about two people serving the other in different ways. Both should be humble at the other's gift. It is not love but love distilled. "Think only of me, please only me, only I may touch you."
That is what many subs get hurt when no love is present in the relationship. Yes, sadily there are d/s relationships NOT based on love, but on lust and fear. These are, at best, a lesser experience, at worse, abuse.
And what happens on those rare special moments when two meet and it is love; a mutual respect and care for the other? What is d/s then?
Why, it is two souls becoming one. And it is a holy, lovely thing that inspires awe in those who are lucky enough to experience it. (And those who are in it's presence) That's what "true" d/s should be.
