angel kitten's blog: "cool"

so shit went down was too much tried to kill my self stupid move went to the hospital then moved to california to make a new life for myself. now i'm living here just living and taking care of my little boy. i think alot about life and how things turn out and i just can never understand why some things that i thought were so good and pure never were and how i ran from the good things in my life in terror. man i've screwed up my life time and time again. but no more i'm finally making something of myself. i'm going to make my dreams come true. i have this burning drive inside me that threatens to burst my chesst open. i know what i want it's what i allways wanted. i want my husband and children to live a long happy and peaceful life. i want to be BIG in my carrer and i want to die and old lady in the arms of the man i love. i also know what i need to do to make this happen. but for right now it's just time to wait. to wait for that prince charming to come into my life. and to stop letting myself be lowered to go out with all those loosers that i've had in my past. but as i wait it's time for me to work on my self to be a better mother to my little boy and to keep going to to coledge and build my carrer. also i must find myself and who i am. as i'm doing this i find that alot of who i am is wrapped around my son. i love that little boy with every thing i have in me. there's nothing i won't do or haven/t done for that boy and as he grows i can't help but be insainly proud of him. he's just so specaial to me and has taught me so much about life that i never knew before.

so many things are going on right now and i'm just kinda lost in all of them. firsdt of all my boyfreind is upset about something and i'm getting the distinct impression it's me, but i can't understand why i would be upsetting him. i wish he'd just talk to me and tell me what it was., i've lost him once and i just don't want that to happen agian. on top of that my checking is overdrawn and i'm not getting child support agian davey is out of the hospital but he's still not doing so good. there's work and school and davey and church and bills and to top it all off i was extreamly ill yesterday but still i managed to drag myself into work and still be able to sit up in my chair. yeah it ws that bad i got sick 13 times! but still people keep asking more of me as if i could spare anymore. brandy is in cali8 agian and i miss her but i'm a little glad she runs too much of a fast paced lifestyle for me anymore. besides those guys she was hanging out with kinda creeped me out. any way i'm just stressed out to no end. my freind monika now lives in the same appartment buildings as me and i want so badly to be able to send her a house waming present but i can't and i've quit smaking not because i wanted to though i was thinking about it but because i have no money to continue doing so. lif just really sucks right now and i all i want to do sometimes i just crawl in a corner and cry but i don't have time to do that so i just keep running forever running for ever trying to my davey and my life better and forever worrying about that day when i'm finally going to crash.

this is a blog to my freind jon from the serlion stockade. he grew up an orphan with nothing. when jon met me i was in alot of trouble being a single mom and barley surving he knew this and went out and bought me the things i needed to raise my son. apperiantly he bought stuff like that all the time and helped out the unfortiante people so that no other little kid would have to grow up without anything like he did a couple days ago he went into the hospital with carbon monixide piosoning and he never came. out thank you jon you saved thye life of my son and myself and i'll never for get it. we love you rest in peace.

ok so i ws wondring if we had blogs now i see that we do very cool! just kinda chillin at somefreinds house not much going on trying to find out as much about this site as i can.