lez n luv it's blog: "CONFOUNDED SEX"

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, "Sir, how old do you think I am"? The man replies "You're 30, right?" She says "No, I'm 47, but nice try." The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, "How old do you think I am?" The man replies, "You're 37, right?" The lady says "No, I'm 47, but good guess." After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies "Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties." So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, "You're 47!" The lady, astonished, asks, "How did you know?" The old man replies "I was standing behind you at McDonald's."

ONLY IN AMERICA: Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink... Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke... Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters... Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes locked in the garage... Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place... Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight... Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".....

CONFOUNDED SEX A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...he could fly