Sexy Shell's blog: "Stories"

The theory

“Can I ask just one more question?” she pleaded, as I accelerated much too quickly down the street.  I wasn’t really paying attention to the road.  I sighed. “One,” I agreed, and pressed my lips together into a cautious line.

“Well…you said you knew I hadn’t gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south.  I was just wondering how you knew that.”  I looked away, deliberating.  “I thought we were past all the evasiveness” she grumbled.  I almost smiled.  “Fine, then.  I followed your scent.”  I looked at the road.

“And you never did answer one of my first questions…”  She stalled.  I looked at her with disapproval.  “Which one?” I said.  “How does the mind reading thing work? Can you read anyone’s mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family do it?” she answered.  “That’s more than one,” I pointed out, she entwined her fingers and gazed at me, waiting.

“No, it’s just me.  And I can’t hear anyone, anywhere.  I have to be fairly close.  The more familiar someone’s…”voice” is, the further away I can hear them.  But still no more than a few miles away” I paused thoughtfully. “It’s like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once.  It’s a hum… a buzzing of voices in the background.  Until I focus on one voice, and then what they’re thinking is clear”

“Most of the time I tune it all out… it can be very distracting.  And it’s easier to seem normal” I frowned at the word.  “When I’m not accidently answering someone’s thoughts rather than their words.”

“Why do you think you can’t hear me?” she asked curiously.  “I don’t know,” I murmured.  “The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way as the rest of theirs do.  Like your thought are on the AM frequency and I’m only getting the FM.”  I grinned at her suddenly amused.

“My mind doesn’t work right? I’m a freak?” the words seemed to bother her more than they should.  “I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak,” I laughed.  “Don’t worry it’s just a theory…” I tightened my face.  “Which brings us back to you,” I replied.  She sighed.  “Aren’t we passed all the evasions now?” I reminded her softly.

She looked away from my face for the first time, like she was trying to find the right words.  She then noticed the speedometer.  “Holy crow!” she shouted.  “Slow down!”  “What’s wrong?” I said startled, but didn’t decelerate.  “You’re going a hundred miles an hour!” she shouted.  “Relax Bella.” I replied and rolled my eyes, still not slowing.  “Are you trying to kill us?” She demanded.  “We’re not going to crash.”  She tried to calm her voice down.  “Why are you in such a hurry?” She said.  “I always drive like this” and turned and smile at her crookedly.

“Keep your eyes on the road!” she screamed.  “I’ve never gotten into an accident Bella…I’ve never even gotten a ticket.” I grinned and tapped my forehead.  “Built in radar detector.”  “Very funny” she fumed.  “Charlie’s a cop, remember?  I was raised to abide by traffic laws.  Besides if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away.”

“Probably,” I agreed with a short hard laugh.  “But you can’t.”  I sighed, and gradually brought the speed down towards eighty.  “Happy?” I said.  “Almost” she replied.  “I hate driving this slow,” I muttered.  “You call this slow?” she laughed.  “Enough with the commentary on my driving,” I snapped.  “I’m still waiting to hear your theory.”

She bit her lip; I looked at her with a gentle look.  “I won’t laugh,” I promised.  “I’m more afraid that you’ll be angry with me” she said.  “Is it that bad?” I asked her.  “Pretty much, yeah.”

I waited; she was looking down at her hands, so she couldn’t see my expression.  “Go ahead.” I said in a calm voice.

“I don’t know how to start,” she admitted.  “Why don’t you start at the beginning…you said you didn’t come up with this on your own.” “No” she replied.  “What got you started….a book? A movie?” I probed.  “No…it was Saturday, at the beach.”  She glanced up at my face and looked puzzled.

“I ran into an old family friend… Jacob Black,” She continued.  “His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby.”  I still had a confused look on my face.  “His dad is one of the Quileute elders.” She watched me carefully; my confused expression froze in place.  “We went for a walk…and he was telling me about some old legends…trying to scare me, I think.  He told me one…” she hesitated.  “Go on” I said.  “About vampires.” She whispered.  I tighten my hands on the steering wheel.  “And you immediately thought of me?” I said still calm.  “No.  He… mentioned your family.”

I was silent, staring at the road.  “He just thought it was some silly superstition,” she said quickly.  “He didn’t expect me to think anything of it.” She said as she looked down.  “It was my fault; I forced him to tell me.” She said quickly.  “Why?”

“Lauren said something about you… she was trying to provoke me.  An older boy from the tribe said your family didn’t come to the reservation, only it sounded like something different.  So I got Jacob alone and tricked it out of him,” she admitted hanging her head.

I started to laugh, and she glared up at me.  “Tricked him how?” I asked curious as to what she did to force this information out of the unsuspecting Jacob.  “I tried to flirt…it worked better than I thought it would.” She said in disbelief.  “I would have liked to see that” I chuckled darkly.  “And you accuse me of dazzling people… poor Jacob Black.”  She blushed and looked out her window.

“What did you do then?” I asked after a minute.  “I did some research on the internet.”  “And did that convince you?” my voice sounded hardly interested.  My hands still clamped hard on the steering wheel.

“No.  Nothing fit.  Most of it was kind of silly.  And then…” she stopped.  “What?” I urged her to continue.  “I decided it didn’t matter,” she whispered.  “It didn’t matter?” my tone made her look up; she had finally broken through my carefully composed mask.  I was angry at her for thinking it didn’t matter.  “No,” she said softly.  “It doesn’t matter to me what you are.”

“You don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?” I said with a mocking edge in my voice.  “No.”

I was silent, staring straight ahead, my face bleak and cold.  “You’re angry” she sighed.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No,” I said, but my tone was as hard as my face.  “I’d rather know what you’re thinking…even if what you’re thinking is insane.”

“So I’m wrong again?” she challenged.  “That’s not what I’m referring to. “It doesn’t matter”!” I quoted, gritting my teeth together.  “I’m right?” she gasped.  “Does it matter?” I quickly replied.

She took a deep breath.  “Not really.” She paused.  “But I am curious.”  Her voice was now composed.

“What are you curious about?” I said.  “How old are you?” she asked.  “Seventeen,” I replied promptly.  “And how long have you been seventeen?”  My lip twitched as I stared at the road.  “A while,” I admitted at last.

“Okay.” She smiled, pleased that I was still being honest with her.  I stared down at her with watchful eyes; I was worried she was going to go into shock.  She smiled wider with encouragement, and I frowned.

“Don’t laugh…but how come you can come out during the daytime?”  I laughed anyways. “Myth.”  “Burned by the sun?”  “Myth.”  “Sleeping in coffins?”  “Myth.”  I hesitated for a moment.  “I can’t sleep.”

It took her a minute to absorb that.  “At all?” she finally replied.  “Never,” I said my voice nearly inaudible.  I turned and looked at her with a wistful expression.  I held my eyes on hers as she stared at me.  I finally looked away.

“You haven’t asked me the most important question yet.” I said in a hard voice, and looked back to her.

She blinked, still dazed.  “Which one is that?”  “You aren’t concerned about my diet?” I asked sarcastically.  “Oh” she muttered, “that.”

“Yes, that.” I said bleakly.  “Don’t you want to know if I drink blood?”

She flinched.  “Well, Jacob said something about that.”  She quipped.  “What did Jacob say?”  I asked flatly.  “He said you didn’t…hunt people.  He said that your family wasn’t supposed to be dangerous because you only hunt animals.”

“He said we weren’t dangerous?” I said with skepticism.   “Not exactly.  He said you weren’t supposed to be dangerous.  But the Quileute’s still didn’t want you on their land, just in case.”

I looked forward, concentrating more on the road now.  “So was he right?  About not hunting people?” She tried to keep her voice as even as possible. 

“The Quileute’s have a long memory,” I whispered.  She took it as a confirmation.  “Don’t let then make you complacent, though,” I warned her.  “They are right to keep their distance from us.  We are still dangerous.”  “I don’t understand.”  She said confused.

“We try,” I explained slowly.  “We’re usually very good at what we do.  Sometimes we make mistakes.  Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you.” “This is a mistake?” she said with sadness in her voice.  “A very dangerous one,” I murmured.

We were both silent then.  She was staring out the window at the scenery passing by.  Time was slipping away quickly.  “Tell me more,” she asked desperately.

I looked at her quickly, startled by the change in her tone.  “What more do you want to know?” I said.  “Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people?” She suggested her voice still tinged with desperation.  Her eyes were wet, and I could see that she fought against the grief that was trying to overpower her.

“I don’t want to be a monster.” I said in a low voice.  “But animals aren’t enough?” she said.

I paused.  “I can’t be sure, of course, but I’d compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke.  It doesn’t completely satisfy the hunger…or rather the thirst.  But it keeps us strong enough to resist.   Most of the time.” My tone turned to ominous.  “Sometimes it’s more difficult than others.” I said.

“Is it very difficult for you now?” she asked.  I sighed “Yes”

“But you’re not hungry now,” she stated confidently.  “Why do you think that?” I said.

“Your eyes.  I told you I had a theory.  I’ve noticed that people…men in particular…are crabbier when they are hungry.”

I chuckled “You are observant, aren’t you?”  She didn’t answer; she just listened to the sound of my laugh.  We were quiet for a few minutes.

“Were you on a hunting trip with Emmett this weekend?”  She asked to break the silence.  “Yes” I paused for a second, deciding whether or not to say something.  “I didn’t want to leave, but it was necessary.  It’s a bit easier to be around you when I’m not thirsty.” I said.  “Why didn’t you want to leave?” she asked me softly.

“It makes me …anxious…to be away from you.”  My eyes were gentle, but they were intense.  “I was so distracted all weekend, worrying about you.  After what happened tonight, I’m surprised that you made it through a whole weekend unscathed.”

“What?”  “Your hand,” I reminded her.  She looked down at her palms, at the almost healed scrapes.  My eyes missed nothing.  “I fell” she sighed.

“That’s what I thought.” My lips curved up at the corners.  “I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse…and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away.  It was a very long three days.  I really got on Emmett’s nerves."  I smiled at her ruefully.  “Three days?  Didn’t you just get back today?” she asked.  “No, we got back Sunday.”

“Then why weren’t any of you at school” she said almost angrily.  “Well you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn’t.  But I can’t go out into the sunlight… at least not where anyone can see.”  I replied.  “Why?” she asked me.  “I’ll show you sometime.”

She thought for a moment.  “You could have called me,” she said.  This puzzled me.  “But I knew you were safe.”

“But I didn’t know where you were. I….” she hesitated and dropped her eyes.  “What?” I said in my most compelling voice.  “I didn’t like it, not seeing you. It makes me anxious too.” She blushed.

I was quiet.  She glanced up at me, apprehensive, and saw the expression on my face was pain. “Ah,” I groaned quietly.  “This is wrong.”

She could not begin to comprehend my response.  “What did I say?” she said.  “Don’t you see, Bella?  It’s one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a whole other thing to have you involved.”  I turned my anguished eyes to the road.  “I don’t want you to feel that way” my voice was low with urgency.   “It’s wrong.  It’s not safe.  I’m dangerous, Bella please grasp that.”

“No” she tried very hard not to look like a sulking child.
“I’m serious” I growled.

“So am I.  I told you, it doesn’t matter what you are.  It’s too late.”

“Never say that” my voice whipped out, low and harsh.

She bit her lower lip, as I stare out at the road.  We were getting so close to her house.  “What are you thinking?” I asked her, my voice still raw.  She shook her head, not sure if she could speak.  I gazed at her but she kept her eyes forward.

“Are you crying?” I said sounding appalled.  I hadn’t realized the moisture in her eyes until it brimmed over on to her cheeks.  She quickly rubbed one hand across her cheek.  “No,” she said, but her voice cracked.  I reached my right hand towards her hesitantly, but then stopped and placed it back on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry,” I said regretfully.  We sat in silence.  “Tell me something?  I asked after a minute.  “Yes” she replied.  “What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn’t understand your expression…you didn’t look scared, you looked like you were concentrating hard on something.”

“I was trying to remember how to incapacitate someone, you know self defense.  I was going to smash his nose into his brain.” She said with a surge of hate.

“You were going to fight them?” This upset me.  “Didn’t you think about running?”  “I fall down a lot when I’m running” she admitted.  “What about screaming for help?” angrily.  “I was getting to that part.”

I shook my head.  “You were right…I’m definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive.”  She sighed.  We were slowing, passing into the boundaries of Forks.  It had taken less than twenty minutes.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” she demanded.  “Yes…I have a paper due, to?   I smiled.  “I’ll save you a seat at lunch”

We were in front of Charlie’s house.  The lights were on, her truck in place, everything utterly normal.  I stopped the car but didn’t move.

“Do you promise to be there tomorrow?” she said.  “I promise” I replied.  She nodded and pulled my jacket off taking one last whiff.

“You can keep it… you don’t have a jacket for tomorrow,” I reminded her.  She handed it back to me anyways.  “I don’t want to have to explain to Charlie.”

She hesitated, with her hand on the door handle, prolonging this moment.  “Bella” I said in a different tone…serious, but hesitant.  “Yes?” She turned back all too eagerly.  “Will you promise me something?”  “Yes” she said instantly regretting it.  “Don’t go in to the woods alone.”  She stared at me in confusion “Why?”

I frowned, and stared out the window past her.  “I’m not the most dangerous thing out there.  Let’s leave it at that.” I said.  “Whatever you say.” She replied.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I said.  “Tomorrow then” she turned and unwillingly opened the door.  “Bella?”  She turned and I was leaning towards her, my pale face just inches from hers.   “Sleep well” I said blowing my breath in her face, stunning her.  She blinked, thoroughly dazed.  I leaned away.

She was unable to move for a few minutes, and then finally stepped out of the car awkwardly holding the frame of the car for support.  I chuckled silently, as she stumbled to the front door.  I revved my engine silently, and disappeared around the corner.