This was my sixth burn, and after so many years of going I was thinking of it as more of a vacation to get away and hang with people who are more like me. Instead the very foundation of my world was shaken and my entire faith and belief system was revitalized. I decided to camp with a chicago camp called Campo Alegre this year instead of the lamp lighters who I have been with for the past few years. It was a last minute decision and these guys were nice enough to take me in. When we arrived in Reno the team and I went to Atlantis resort for a buffett (our last hot meal) and then it was off to the playa. We spent all day sunday building our camp and working our butts off. Once everything was up we decided to hit the playa and start partying. It was a wonderful fantasitic time and I got to do what I do best which is interact with people. In the first two night I met so many people that my camp decided to make me the social chair of our camp. This was a really good year with lots of people and tons of great art. I decided to take wensday night off from all the festivities and just sleep in. On thursday I felt great and got up and decided to go work out at one of the camps that had a gym set. I walked in at the camp called "comfort and joy". The weight bench and dumbells were in the back corner and I noticed some one had hung a manaquin next to it. It was kind of gruesome but who am I to judge someone's view of art. There's plenty of things at burningman that aren't my cup of tea. I asked a guy that was sleeping on a couch in the corner if it was ok that I work out, and he said sure. So I lifted for about twenty minutes when a small gay man came in. He introduced himself as Alex and he went to check out the manaquin. After circling the art several times he said "guys I think this is a body". I stoped working out to talk to him. "Gay men can be so dramatic" I thought. It was annoying that the manaquin was so close that I could constantly see it in my perefrial vision while I lifted, but what evers. I told him look at the face it was all waxy and morbid, it didn't look human and it was hanging from a bungee. I told him you can't hang yourself from a bungee. Then I looked at the manaquin's arms and saw hair. Its kind of pricy to have a dummy with arm hair and then alex lifted his shirt and thouched his back and ribs. Yup it was a body! I had been working out next to a dead person for 25 minutes.. Next thing I remeber was that everyone freaked. Alex and Waterfall (sleeping guy on couch) blocked the doors and I hopped on my bike and got the Emergency Service people. They called the sherrif and the Rangers and everyone fallowed me to the camp. The next few hours were a blurr. I remember being next to the camp dry heaving and this beautiful woman came over and asked if I was ok. She thougt I had done too many drugs and when I told her, she just held me really close for a while. I was then taken back to the camp where counselors and cops where all waiting. We were taken to a private tent and asked questions. I was then placed in the sherriff's van where I had to give a statement. Everyone was so supporitve and caring. I rode back to my camp and told them something bad had happended and that I would be gone for a little bit and then returned to talk to more officials. When I was done with all that, I was still in a state of shock and I went to go find Nikki (the woman who found me getting sick) her camp was accross the street. When I went in I told her camp mates my name and everyone was so concerned and wanted me to sit and gave me water and food. I hung out with Nikki and her camp just talking for a couple of hours and felt much better. I rode back to my camp and they got everyone together and when I told them everybody was in shock. I cracked a few jokes and tried to put everyone at ease. I felt strange, violated in some way. Like being touched inappropiately by someone. Later that day a couple of us went and got a spiritual reading, I was worried that my trauma would block my reading but it didn't. I felt that talking about it would be good therapy for me, plus it was one hell of a story. That night we went out and my campmates stayed with me the whole time. After a few hours I felt uncomfotrable and wanted to go home and everyone insisted on coming with me to make sure I was ok. I was kind of affriad of sleeping alone and a few very nice girls offered for me to crash with them but I knew I would eventually have to deal with sleeping by myself. The next day I went to a healers camp and signed up for Reki. As I waited I talked to a few really nice people, and I looked over and saw this beautiful blond. She was hanging out and it looked like she was doing some healing. I don't have a lot of experience with Reki so I wasn't sure. She was putting on her shoes and leaving when I felt I had to approach her. We got to talking and turns out she was a reki master and I explained to her what had happened. So she started to do some work on me, and it was wierd at first. She sensed a lot of anger in me towards this person. He had violated my home and my happy place. I hadn't asked for any of this, it was forced upon me. After a while we stopped and she said in a few weeks once the ager has subsided I would have to find compassion and forgiveness for this person. Personally I didn't think I could, but I told her I wanted this to be over with. As I lay there she put her hand on my heart and one under my back and she took me to the moment when it was happening. I was terrified and shaking all over. I saw the guy climb the pole and wrap the bungee around his neck, I felt his loneliness and desperation. He had tunnel vision and couldn't see past his own pain to see how it would effect others. Tears started streaming through my eyes, it hurt my heart so much too see this person in pain. No living thing should ever feel so scared and alone. The healer covered me in light and had me talk to him. He kept saying he was sorry, he didn't mean for this to happen. I told him it was ok and that he was free to go. As I placed my hand on his back the light spred to him. He walked out of the tent as I stood there. When the healer brought me back, I was exhausted. I felt a burden had been lifted off my chest. I hung out and talked with Diana for a bit. She explained to me that I was meant to find the body becuase of who I was. She had a session to go to and I wanted to get some sleep so we said our good byes. When I got back to camp I passed out for a few hours. I woke up and went to the deep end (a wild open air dance club) and got on a podium and just danced, sober and happy. Some rain came down and people just partied and had a great time, then all of a sudden over on the horizon a double rainbow appeared. I hadn't seen one of those in a long time and the crowd went errupted. It was amazing. The rest of the week was stellar and people said I seemed like me again. My life has been changed in a profound way. I feel different, more connected and not so lost anymore. Strange thing is that I drew a tarot card right before I left for the burn called The tower and it says to "prepare yourself for the lightning blast coming your way" I remembered this on an art car saturday night of the burn. This was the most amazing burn ever. I feel recharged and know that my purpose in the world (not always so clear) is being served. I also want to thank all the wonderfull people who I met this year. My camp mates who for the first time in six burns made me feel like I found my home on the playa and who were so supportive when all this was happening, Nikki from slutt garden who is like my serrogate mom (thats hot) who found me and took care of me when I was a mess and Diana, the healer who like an angel on my shoulder pulled me through the darkness not to mention all the beautiful burners who were so generous with there compassion and love. I love you all very much.. (God I sound like a hippie!!!)
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