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BULLET IN THE BACK

I stumbled into the doctor’s office with a bullet lodged in my trapezius. The waiting room was empty and the receptionist had apparently gone for the day. The doc looked up from behind the counter and asked, “Can I help you?” “You could take this bullet out of my back,” I replied. He rose from his chair and walked toward me with an off-balance stride. “That’s got to come out,” he said, looking at the wound. His speech was slurred and his breath smelled of liquor. He informed me that he was out of anesthetic. Actually, the delivery boy had come by with some earlier in the day, but the doc was out of checks and I guess his credit wasn’t very good. He reached into his hip pocket and took out a half-pint flask of Kessler. The bottle was two-thirds empty. I finished it off in one pull. “Let’s do it,” I said. He sterilized the blade of his pocketknife over a flame from a cigarette lighter and went to work. When he finished, he recommended a few days of bed rest. I said, “Listen Doc. There’s a criminal with a gun out there, and it’s up to me to keep the streets safe. Just give me a hand full of aspirin and let me get back to work.” “God bless you, Sir!” he exclaimed. “No charge.” I threw down a fifty and told him to change his brand of liquor.
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