i keep waiting for something to happen, maybe its time i just moved on, I don't know.
Thats the problem I don't know anymore. I had a nervous break down in October of 97. I went into the hospital cause I knew if I didn't get help I wouldn't be here for my son.
I was diagnosed with manic depression and generalized anxiety disorder with suicidal tendencies.
I was placed on medication for these problem and have been on it for 1 yr3 months now...it helps but I still feel like theres no-one there for just me.
I can't talk to my son he's only 12 and has to deal with the hell that he was put through by his x step fathers and he don't need my problems added on...he's just a kid and thats how i want him to be, not loose his childhood.
I guess thats why i write so much and draw, and make pictures. Its an outlet but it don't work for everything.
I was fired a year ago Christmas. This is a small town and since I told the boss he needed to grow some balls....well lets put it this way...word got out not to hire me.
I tried for unemployment but was shot down as well as both appeals. No go.
I lost my home in March, my best friend (who is a brother to me) and his wife (who I call my sister)
took me and my son in so I wouldn't have to live on the street and loose my son, most people know my family kicked me out when I told them I was pagan...well the rest of the family...even my own daughter threw me away when I met the man I'm in love with.
I clean house and take care of their 4 dogs for them, Sherry (Bear) has had a stroke and cant use her hands so it's an ok gig I guess.
I've been here 10 months now and all I want is to just go Home. I'm not asking to be taken care of ... when I get a job I'll be doing that on my own without help...been doing that forrever so I might as well keep it up.
My medicine if for my depression and aniety...that means it helps to keep me from being so dispondant and from feeling like the world is crashing in on me.
But everyone now acts like it's suposed to keep my emotions under control... it dont .. it helps me to control those to ares of of a disfuntional brain. Like when I get mad...I get asked have you taken your medicine and that pisses me off worse. I finally got tired of that question and told them the medicine wasnt to stop me from feeling...I can get mad and yell and throw a shit fit because it's human nature.
Yet everytime I do it's still not understood why I'm upset and mad...not slightly irratated...I'll tell ya when I'm irratated...I mean mad enough to go shopping...something I seriously hate to do... just so I don't slam someone through a damn wall or start screaming.
Bear says she knows what I'm going through...but she dont... she doesnt have to worry about her child welfare and if he's doing ok mentally because of this shit. She hasnt lost her home and her job.. her husband works and pays for every thing and still listens to her bitch.
Yeah we all have problems, but sometimes we just don't have anyone to just shut up and open their ears and listen. I guess thats why I keep things bottled up...no-one wants to really listen.
