Those who don't know
The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don't know. Those who know are no problem.
Those who don't know are also in two groups.
One is those who don't know and know they don't know. Well, they can learn!
But then, there are those who don't know, and don't know they don't know. And they become unit managers!
Actual Medical Chart Notes
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
- Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
Marriage Math
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Blood Race
The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Caroline to see who would donate the most blood.
After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.
As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat."
