The days have become hard. Much of my independence before life with man has returned. Days wade in and out like the lapping of waves to the shore. How quickly my first two months has passed. Some nights I lie in bed, cold, empty, alone and it feels like it has been forever since he laid here beside me. How quickly life is altered and how quickly the winds of change shift. With it all, I myself am changing too. Once a blooming rose, but with each heartache a petal has been removed. One by one they have all fallen, until there was nothing left of me at all. I lived most of my life as the girl with her walls built high, now after all is said and done...I am the wall. Impenetrable. Some of us are born for greatness and sadly some of us are not. I think what I was born for was pain. It has taken all that was my life and swallowed it whole I really feel that i as a person, just truly am no more. I have grown so cold, uncaring, and lifeless. I live now for one thing, for one goal. I vow to never let my Madelyn ever know life as I have. I know I don't have control over her destiny...or how life will shift her but I still like to think I could try. In all my years of pain, in all my suffering and heartache, she has been the only thing that made me feel like I had a purpose. The only person who can with a smile undo all the chains in my heart.
