Insane MelodyPanda's blog: "lol"

Yea, I guess  to some I have been playing/calling myself a  panda  too many times..

Yea, I know I  am  not a panda,,,  Come on  do pandas eat steak? No...... I have been  doing this weird stuff  one for comic view, and my likes on pandas,,, What not  to like about them???  I  have been a stage on collecting all kinds of stuff on them.. More than koalas, penguins, border collies.. This is the longest  thing  that I have collected...

I am not out to hurt anyone... Even though my screen name  is insane.. I am not all  that nutty.. Just some.. I love to make people  laugh, Or strive to make people  laugh,, or just to think..

Some may  think the panda  thing has gone to far... I don't think so.. I may  OVER do  it..  But I am still gonna do it,,

I  act strange-- blame it  on my  tomboyish...  ways,,, Not to fend anyone off... Did  I tell you that I am kind of a people person?

I was always considered the weird class  clown... ( It's the making people laugh and smile-- Doesn't matter what they are thinking of me,,, They  are still smiling inside and out)-- Even  if they don't show it on  the outside.. For atleast a second.. I guess  I  try more  when I see  someone  :-(

I am  a  nice person,, once  you get to know me...  Ask my family  list..... on hereIf you want me to.. I'll be there  for you.. Not  all   physically and  financially  but I am  here for you..  

Oh I  am a hugger  so  ~~~~HUGS~~~

I think I am going to runaway from my mind, today. Everytime I try to think of a happy subject a dreadful one comes in and take that away.
  Go figure, right?
I have changed so much since I have moved to Michigan(1992), I am dreading the person that I have become. I had values. I was easy to get along with. Never did I talk back  to my folks{Always to scared to} .If I had a bill I took care of that right away as fast as I can.  I was funny and goofy~still am at times. Okay, just plain weird to some now.  I didn't care who was judging me, but I was always trying to be friends...No one  really put me in some "Classification" Before ....graduation..  I  had all in me.. nerd,prep--not clothing,jock-sort of...maybe.. does one time being on powder puff count?.., choirs-girls,acapella,mixed,drama club--okay 2 months for that but was in drama class my senior year,.I was considered a head(pot-head) because I dressed most of the time as one(tried once or twice.. didn't see the big deal,, drank, hung out with some of the crowd,punk-because of the dark multiple-eye shadows and changing hair colors all the time...goofball,class clown, because I was always trying to make some one laugh.. tried harder when some one was having a bad day...Never hated anyone... Now..... shit happens... life..


 I trusted a few with my life,soul,heart,and all the  stupid material things,..

I  hate three people, and that is putting it lightly..
 Noooooooooo.. no one on here..,,,yet  ~Sticks tongue out~

I am still considered,goofy and nice... but I do not try so hard anymore...
At work to some I am,, to  others.. Bossy,mean-they say no but I hear things...
Moody.. I don't give a rats butt..
I am mostly a grouch and most of the time..unapproachable..Not good for being in retail.. (Fake smiles help)
I trust  only a few family members with my life.... some of them, barely
The friends I have,, yes  they are okay to hang out with, but do I trust them driving me from a bar.?? Hell To The NO!
Most of the time I am the designated driver.

Waiting for something to go through.. and tired of waiting..
Tired of being used,hurt stepped on..
I have built a wall up ,so thick... if your one of the ones that made it through,aren't you scared yet?
I tend to push people away without realizing I am doing so.
 

My  dreams were so big that they  shadowed...
My hopes were so up there that they shattered
 My conscious,,, said so what.. and said.. "Good-bye"