So much on my mind I don't even know where to begin lol. My trip was wonderful. It was my first time to fly, first time to really go anywhere besides right here in the tri-state area. I went to stay in St Thomas, Virgin Islands for 2 weeks with a very dear friend. Yes I know dammit ur wanting pics well guess what I have to wait on them to be mailed to me lol but as soon as I get them I will put them on here but I do have a few of the view I got to see everyday I was there of course the color of the shy was different somedays but what the hell it was beautiful no matter what. The only thing that freaked me out was all the Iguanas running around!! Sittin on the beach and the lil bastards would just walk right by ya or stop and stare at ya lol I talked to them, that was funny to see me askin them to leave me the hell alone lol. I have to admit I drank so much while I was there, trust me I don't drink that often but wow do as the natives do. I flew home with a damn hang over now that's something I never wanna do again. Ya know that alone in paradise thing? I had alot of time to do some thinking. I've come up with some decisions that would surprise some but others well who gives a shit anyhow lol. I'm goin to go see about goin to Culinary Arts school to get my degree. That is supposed to take 2 yrs but I love to cook. Just hope if and when I do get out there and start workin again people that I really don't like don't happen to pop in where I may be workin lol that would be pretty damn funny if ya know what I mean ?? My love life is well I should say interesting lol I go out once in awhile with friends but my heart belongs to someone not from here so it's hard to spend time with them right now but that's gonna change too. Now come on you know I can't make it easy on myself lol. I'm not gonna go into that on here cause well I just don't want everyone to know all my business. Ya know the kind of people that like to check up on ya just to see what ur up too well guess what that part of my life is a closed door. Just know my heart has been given to someone very special.
Ok now that I've updated everyone lol now let's do some bitching !!! I have some people in my life that say oh I'm gonna do this or that and never follow up on what they say they're gonna do. Well I call that lying. I hate it and I really try not to do it myself, not saying I haven't but not on a regular basis and I at that point really don't mean to go back on my word cause in all honesty that all we really have is our word. I always try not to make a promise if I know I can't hold up to that promise. I'm not saying I can always fulfill it but it's not from a lack of trying. Well I know some assholes who make a habit out of it and boy does that fry my ass!! It's been interesting for me as of the last couple monthes, I'm supposed to take a couple different kinds of medicines for this bipolar shit and I haven't been takin it. I got tired of the feeling some much but couldn't say it out loud I had it all bottled up for so long now I'm just busting all kinds of balls lately. Of course I have some that are really not liking this at all. They would rather me be on these meds so I will shut up and keep puttin up with everyone walkin all over me and that's coming to a halt too. I have walked away from people that were making me feel unsure about who I am and complaining about the path I'm takin because they didn't think I should for their own reasons. I take the pathes I take because I have things I have to learn for me to be who I am and to grow. I became friends with people that did some of the things my brother did so I could understand his path and to be able to understand why I felt the way I did. Not always the wise choice but I'm better for it. Oh hell yeah there were some that didn't want or couldn't understand it but it wasn't for them to do so. This is my journey not anyone elses. I can handle concern, advise, and even criticizism but don't tell me I'm wrong when you don't know what it is that I'm doing or why. Don't ya just love it when people that are supposed to care about you do nothing but put you down and make you feel bad about urself? Well I had alot of people doing that to me and well I'm not dealing with it. I don't have to!!
I'm tense as hell and sick to my stomach because I traveled down so old memeory roads that I should have just left alone but ya know ya just have to look back and say to urself wow I put up with that, why didn't this happen then with this or that?? I know you never should look back and say what if or should've, could've, or would've . What a dip shit I was for doin that but again a learning path as always for me. I will admit I sit and cry because of things I learn and some I just sit and laugh at myself and tell myself yeah you were a dumbass there lol Oh well !! ok so I'm done with this for now but rest assured I'll be back with more to bitch about. Love those who really care about me for me and I'm always here for you.... Love Ya <3 <3
