Right. Just like that, huh? But why would my lover want to shag someone else if I was adequate,hmm, smart boy?
It's not about adequacy.
Many people are brought up to beieve that if you're interested in sleeping with someone else, it's because your partner isn''t enought for you. It's a myth that's as common and enduring--and as false--as the ides of Santa Claus. Human beings don't work that way. When we fall in love, the part of our brain that makes us attracted to other people dose not magically shut off.
Someone one asked me "How can you stand knowing your lover is with someone else? Don't you feel like maybe they're better in bed than you are?"
The long answer to that question is very complex. The short answer is simple: It doesn't matter. It's not a contest.
There are a lot of people in this world. If you look far enough, you will find someone who is better than you are at everything. You'll find people who are better at cooking, better at sex, better at reading and writing and driving and every other thing you can think of. You Can't be the best person in the world at everything. Deal with it.
You know what? It doesn't matter.
If you really believe that you lover is going to dump you as soon as they find someone better in the sack than you are, well, perhaps you shouldn't try a non-monogamy--but then again, perhaps you'll want to re-think your romantic relationship while you're at it.
it doesn't matter for the same reason that it doesn't matter if your lover finds a person who is a better cook than you are.
If your lover goes out to a restaurant, do you think"My God, what if the restaurant food is better than mine?" Do you agonize over whether your cooking may seem substandard by comparison? Not if you're psychologically healthy, you don't
With sex. it's the same deal.
Sex is a learned skill. Who knows...perhaps if your lover discovers something that you didn't think of, then they might bring that new discovery into your relationship, and hey! You're better in for it!
But it's not a ontest. It's not like you have to spend your life trying to rank your skills in the bedroom against everyone else's. That way madness lies. It isn't really about sex at all--it's about opening yourself to the possibility of more than one romantic relationship. And maybe it's YOUR new lover who will teach you a thing or two.
