I got a package today from your brother. It was your memorial DVD. I watched it and drenched my shirt and pillow. It made it so much more real for me. I still have the illusion that I'll get a phone call saying it was a mistake, that nothing happened to you. I can't have that illusion anymore seeing the video. I was suppose to visit your grave today, but I couldn't make it down there. You know me better than anyone else, so you probably expected something to happen which made me not go. I really need to make it down there, it's just hard with work and not having a good vehicle. I will though, come hell or high water, I will make it there. I need it. I need to see it. I've seen pictures of it, but it's just not real to me yet. I'm so sorry I couldn't visit you or go to your funeral. I really would have wanted to. I will come down and see you, probably after the 19th. Me and a few friends will go there. I love you. I miss you.
