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What are you waiting for?
a piercing scream breaks the silence!
there are no signs of a struggle, no signs of violence
he looks around bewildered and confused
was it a trick of the imagination? some sort of mental ruse?
he stops and ponders, then ups, and wanders, searching for the source.
where did it come from? a cry uttered with such force.
he sits on the groud and tries to clear his mind.
a silent meditation looking for an answer from inside.
in his trance-like state he sees his own desires, laid out before him on the landscape of his soul.
in his mind he stands alone, he sees a path ahead, should he stand and should he walk, or should he heed the dread?
in his mind he makes a decision, he will stand and explore this vision.
he rises on legs of lead, his footsteps sap his strength,
he starts to walk along the path of undecided length.
as he walks he passes things he has seen before, people he has met, places he has been, all appear like he has opened an invisible door.
he walks past the terrors of his youth,confused emotions of his childhood now laid out and he sees the truth.
the things he held in his mind so fearfully now dissolve into the wastes, he remembers nothing but the joyous occasions, all the scents, visions and tastes.
he moves forward in the vision, his footsteps getting lighter as in his mind his memories are getting brighter.
he comes to his first love, he blushes at the emotions, how alien it seems to him now, so innocent, unsullied, unbroken.
the first kiss, the first touch, the first little fumble, the embarrassment, the joy, the first "i love you" he ever mumbled
he turns from that memory and soldiers on, his legs feeling lighter and lighter, like a massive weight is gone.
he comes to a dark patch, it wreaks of fear and sweat, he stands at the edge of the shadows and hesitates to move forward, what is this place?
he takes a deep breath and swings his feet, into the darkness he goes, he feels a coldness envelope him from his head down to his toes.
he hears in his mind every scream he has ever uttered, his heart has lost it's lightness, it is suddenly cluttered, cluttered with darkness and feelings of hurt.
he looks back to where he has just been, and wonders why there was no middle ground, no inbetween.
he tries to recall the feelings, he felt just moments ago, but they are not there, he turns around once more, but the path behind is now gone, he is enclosed in the darkness, alone and confused.
he sits in the gloom and dwells, on all that surrounds him, the darkness, the pain, the abuse.
he sees no way forward, he sees no way back
all that surrounds him are emotions cold and black.
he slowly shrinks into himself, he tries to shut the darkness out, he wants to feel the warmth of before, the warmth and the light. he closes himself to the outside world to live inside his mind, he sits in darkness on the sunniest day. he doesnt see anything and he doesnt hear, the only thing to escape him is one solitary tear.
