MrAI is lurking's blog: "Blah Blah Blah"

I'm not a wordsmith... I don't have the talent of rhyming...or any type of creativity when it comes to things of that nature... I'm not an artist..so I can't draw you a pretty picture of how I feel... I can sing a little.. but I'm not a songwriter.. so what I sing to you is a reflection of my feelings of someone else's feelings... but what I am is... real. I'm not everyone's cup of tea.. i do know that.. but I guarantee you this.. if I AM your cup of tea... I'll be the best damn cup of tea you have ever had!

I've been on a quest for new music again... this time mainly gospel of all sorts.... every time I get on this new music kick.. I think about Paul... it's been almost 2yrs since he died. I still "forget" sometimes when I find something new and automatically think.. "I should send this to Paul"... I see his wife and kids at church... they are smiling most of the time... but I see in their eyes that they miss him... especially after church socializing when families are grouped together... ok.. i'm done for now. R.I.P. Paul

I try to be a good friend.. to make people smile and laugh.. it's just in my nature. However lately I think that perhaps people have grown tired of me and my humor.. I'm the one always reaching out to check on people.. to make sure to be a shoulder to lean on.. well.. fuck it. I'm done. I'm sick of trying to make sure everyone else is alright.. making sure that everyone else is happy. If people take what i do/say out of context then fuck it.. it's on them. They should fucking know me by now. I haven't changed in the 42yrs i've been on this earth. The person they see today is the same dude as yesterday.. and will be the same tomorrow. I'm done apologizing for what I do.. I'll just say.. if something I do or say offends you.. then I'm sorry I OFFENDED you.. I'm not sorry for anything I do or say. I'm me.. if you don't like it.. oh well.. it sucks to be you because I am fucking awesome. OK.. i'm done!

I'm going to TRY to make today a good day....but it's not starting off the best. In a bit of a stess filled funk today...snapped at the kid.. the wife...and co-workers could be next. It just seems like everyone is STUPID today.. smh! Oh well, guess I better get my ass to work. Hopefully I won't have to choke the shit out of someone!

On days when I find "new music" I end up happy and sad at the same time. Those days always make me think of Paul. He was always the 1st person I would hit up when I found something because we had very similar tastes in music. I'm also happy, in a way, with the sadness because it keeps him fresh in my mind and on my heart. I continue to pray daily for his family.. and as long as they allow me to continue to be a part of their life, I feel as though I'm still a part of Paul's "life". R.I.P. My friend.. you are missed! 

I sometimes feel like maybe I don't belong anywhere. I know I like joking... but sometimes I feel like people think I am a joke. I don't know, maybe I should join a bridge club or some shit and give fu a rest for a bit. 

Seems like each day brings something new to be angry about. If it's not work, then it's home. If it's not home or work, then it's bills. You get tired of being sick and tired...but what do you do? To give up means you die...and I'm not ready to die!! I have to find SOMETHING to release the rage upon. I am not a violent person, never have been but I don't want to end up yelling at people for no fucking reason. Maybe I need to suck it up when it comes to the body pain and get back to playing basketball or something. IDK... :(

Sadly, my friend didn't make it... he passed a couple of days ago.. i'm still numb...and very angry... he was just 36 and left a wife and 2 kids... people always talk about how dangerous motorcycles are..you know what's more dangerous.. 85yr old ladies that have no business driving anyway... you know what's dangerous... people that don't bother to look where the hell they are going when they pull out in front of people on motorcycles... you know what else is dangerous...me...right now... because i'm so so angry...the lady didn't even have the compassion to call and check on him....and i bet she has no remorse that he died... see this is probably why i shouldn't blog... this is not a "blog" it's me fucking ranting... well time to go before i start crying all over again!!!

I'm trying to focus on work but my head is not here today... a real good friend had a bike accident and is now in CICU...people don't respect motorcycle riders like they should... and that disrespect could very well cost him his life!! He's a father and husband...and was on his way to church.. I have to admit.. I'm scared. 

My internet has been out for a couple days due to storms and I've had to find other things to occupy my time besides the net and fu.. I actually enjoyed my "fu break" and have decided to try to go through "fu-rehab" and take a couple days or more away from here.