*Reality is an illusion that occurs due the lack alcohol
*Upon being told I have a drinking problem I gave careful consideration and completely agree. I've two hands and only one mouth
*I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working
*Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza
*A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her
*How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter
*Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times
Beer drinkin' don't do half the harm of love makin'
*I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day
*When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
*When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
*The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind
*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
*If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose
*I drink to make other people interesting
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer
*A drink a day, keeps the shrink away
*The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish don't bother you
*There are two reasons for drinking:
One is, when you are thirsty, to cure it;
The other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it
*Here's to a long life, and a merry one; a quick death, and an easy one; a pretty girl, and an honest one; a cold beer - and another one!
*You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party
