Once upon a time, there lived a man
who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, but they always
had an embarrassing and somewhat
lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love.
When it became apparent they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll
never go through with the marriage
with me carrying on like this, so he
made the supreme sacrifice and gave
up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home
from work, his car broke down and
since they lived in the country, he
called his wife and told her he would
be late because he had to walk. On his
way home, he passed a small cafe and
the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill
effects before he got home. So he
went in and ordered, and before
leaving had 3 extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he
putt-putted. By the time he arrived
home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and
seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner
tonight!" She put a blindfold on him,
and led him to his chair at the head of
the table and made him promise not
to peak. At this point he was beginning
to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove
the blindfold, the telephone rang. She
again made him promise not to peek
until she returned, and away she went
to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to
one leg and let go. It was not only
loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a
hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his
leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a
diesel engine revving, and smelled
worse. To keep from gagging, he tried
fanning his arms a while, hoping the
smell would dissipate. He got another
urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes
on the table rattled and a minute later
the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the
conversation in the hallway, and
keeping his promise of staying
blindfolded, he carried on like this for
the next ten minutes, farting and
fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells he
neatly laid his napkin on his lap and
folded his hands on top of it. Smiling
contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she
asked if he had peeked at the dinner
table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold
and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were
twelve dinner guests seated around
the table for his surprise birthday
party.
