SHE's blog: "S.H.E."

They could be the death of you.  I once made a bad decision that almost ended my life.  I was young, stupid (not that THAT has changed any), and desperate for attention.  One day in my sophmore year of high school, my "best friend" and I decided to skip school.

She and I were fifteen at the time.  We walked to her 21 year old boyfriend's house.  From there we went to the liquor store to pick up vodka, peach schnapps and orange juice.  Then we headed to his friend's house.  The first half hour was spent sitting and talking.  Then drinks were made.  I had a fuzzy navel, o.j. and peach schnapps.  Everyone else was happy with screwdrivers, o.j. and vodka.

My friend and her boyfriend went off to a back room, leaving me alone with a total stranger.  He and I talked for a bit, then he offered some of his drink to me because I had never had it before.  From that moment everything went dark.  I don't remember anything of what happened until I woke up face down on the floor.  Throwing up was what made me wake up.  My pants weren't how they should have been, and my shirt was half off.

I was barely able to get myself up and fully dressed, but I did it somehow.  It was close to the end of the school day, and I had to get home.  They took me as far as the end of my street, where I insisted they let me out to walk it off a bit.  Between that end of the block and my front porch, everything is one big, black block of forgetfulness.  I don't remember one bit of it.

I remember sitting in the chair on the porch, telling myself to just act normal and everything will be fine.  My mom, grandpa and sister pulled up to the curb, and my mom rushed up to the porch.  She quickly got the door open, and she and my sister grabbed me and helped me up the stairs to the bathroom.  The whole time, I insisted I was fine.  To let me go lay down.  I started to get violent and tried several times to punch my mom and pull myself out of her grip.

They immediately put me in the bathtub and turned on the cold water.  I screamed at them to let me go lay down, to sleep it off.  They wouldn't have any of it.  Everything still comes to me in bits and pieces.  I don't remember anything of what happened.  I try to remember, but the dark spots escape me.

I don't remember the ride to the hospital or having my stomach pumped, but I've been told that's what happened.  The last thing I truly remember from that day was the wake up call (sort of) from the doctor when he came into my room.  Blood tests were done.  I suffered from alcohol poisoning.  Suffered.  That's a funny word.  How can you suffer when you ALLOW it to happen?  Who knows what else I allowed to happen.  I've never gotten the courage to ask my mom about a rape kit being done.

On top of the alcohol, they found six drugs in my system, two of which were lethal to a certain amount anyway.  I had to deal with the idea that not only might I have been raped, but also that it was drug and alcohol induced.  I also had to face the fact that I very nearly died that day.  How close I came to doing so.  All I wanted was to sleep it off, but to think I would never have woken up from that sleep.  That was one of a handful of times my own mom showed that kind of concern for me too.  It all screwed me up terribly.

Needless to say, after that, my friend never spoke to me ever again.  I never made the effort to try to contact her.  We'd see each other in school, but never spoke a word to each other.

So, yes, please do be careful of the choices you make.  They may not be life threatening, but they are life altering.

Posted by Chelle