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Namaste FuBarBarians: I usually never get so EMO to as write about the sadness that I feel. However, a lot has happened since my last blogs that I finally feel I can share. Super Bowl Sunday: I was at the jewelry store buying my girlfriend at the time, an engagement ring. I get home and we chat online and she told me that she had just cheated on me. She cheated on me with her ex boyfriend whom she told me she still has feelings for. I dumped her of course; however, I had second thoughts that night. I thought about how wonderful she was for the two years we dated and all the small things I would give up. Her honesty should be rewarded and her guilt was punishment enough. So I decide to take her back. Where she tells me not to because she knows I no longer trust her, besides some of the things I said when I dumped her she felt tho deserved were too hateful to forgive. I have never been a clingly or a lonely person, but like most pathetic fools, I overly tried to win her back, only to push her farther away. When I went to collect my stuff, she was drunk, and we had sex at her insistence. I missed my guitar lesson, cause she was so drunk I had to make sure she did not drown in the toilet or get a concussion or break her neck. I was there for her, despite all that was said and done. Yet, as much as I was there for her, she was not there for me when I needed a home cooked meal and a cuddle and snuggle session on the worse Valentines day of my life. We ended up not talking to each other for a few weeks. We made up and we are friends, but it will never be the same. I wanted to marry her. I knew who I wanted and what I wanted and where I wanted to go. Now I do not know myself, much less what I want, who I want and where I want to go in life.
