The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool
chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law
that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of
Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during
my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is
That since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is extinct .... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the
existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra
kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
