FkinMick's blog: "A Fukin Joke"

B B Q RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part: (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. (6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat . (8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Two ladies talking in heaven: 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die? 1st woman: I Froze to Death. 2nd woman: How Horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back into the window." The bartender shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar, but says nothing. The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in heck that could happen!" "No, no. it's true..." said the first man, "let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window. He takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished. "Oh my God, I saw that with my own eyes! But that must've been a one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!" "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully convinces his dubious fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward - rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... His body hits the sidewalk...Splat !!!! Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."