If i won the lottery
I'd dance naked in the street
With a top hat full of money

I translate ethnic slurs for Mexican refugees, I write award-winning playwrites, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I snowboard up hill. I woo women with my delicate and wonderful laugh, and I watch 60 minutes in 30. I am an expert in politics, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in two third world countries. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious porcipines. I play jazz flute, I was scouted by the yanks, I am the subject of numerous fanclubs. When I'm bored, I start huge rumors on the internet about celebrities. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I base jump from every building in North Vernon, I am an abstract artist, a cuban mofia leader, and a ruthless bookie. Mulitple documentiries are subject to my life. I don't joke, still people laugh. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. I bat .400 Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy, be scared. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to dance my ass off at the local disco club. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket, yes the peas are on isle 7. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. Once I slept a whole week; when i woke i was the president of a small country located on the western hemisphere. While on vacation in Colorado, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I breed prizewinning roses. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. Dr. Dre got his skills from me. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. That is why i am the leader of a exclusive debate team centered in Europe