It took two years for the emotional pain and mental anguish that came after losing a teenage son in the war in Iraq to overtake Ruben Estrella Sr.
And when the loss finally overwhelmed him, everything -- from the music blaring in his shop to the sun setting -- reminded Estrella of his son, Ruben Estrella Soto Jr., one of the first Fort Bliss soldiers and one of the first El Pasoans to die in Iraq.
Estrella, 18, was a member of the 507th Maintenance Company at Fort Bliss, which was ambushed five years ago today -- March 23, 2003. Six of the company's members became prisoners of war, and several were wounded. Eleven others, including Estrella, a Mountain View High School graduate, were killed.
"It is still tough on us, especially at this time of the year, but I'm getting better," Estrella said. "I am coping, going to therapy and rebuilding my life and my business. It took me two years to finally succumb to the pain, and then two more years to get it under control."
Now, five years later, Estrella says he constantly gets help to cope with the loss of his son.
"I go to AA meetings up the street," Estrella said. "I checked myself into rehab. It wasn't until I realized I needed help controlling my life and controlling my pain that I started doing better.
"You know, we are not put here to bury
our children."
Estrella Jr., who was born on Easter Sunday 1985, is buried at Fort Bliss National Cemetery.
"This year, because March 23 falls on Easter -- the day he was born -- it is extra tough to remain strong," he said.
Other unit members
The well-documented plight of the 507th Maintenance Company, which went astray and was ambushed in the town of Nasiriyah, Iraq, continues to have an effect on this country and the military.
A year ago, one of the company's members who was captured, Pfc. Jessica Lynch, testified before Congress about what really happened that day when the 507th convoy was ambushed and she was taken prisoner. She wanted to dispel the impression given by the Army that she was a hero in the ambush.
The Army now trains and equips combat support units such as the 507th to be combat- ready. They are also given fully armed vehicles.
And, in Arizona, the home of Pfc. Lori Piestewa, 23, the first woman to die in the Iraq war and a member of the 507th, the annual memorial service in her honor will take place today atop a mountain in Phoenix renamed Piestewa Peak in her honor.
Some of her peers, including El Pasoan Spc. Shoshana Johnson, herself a member of the 507th and a former POW, will be there.
"This may be the last year we have a huge event," Johnson said.
Johnson said she still talks every once in a while to the other 507th members who were captured, but not as regularly as before.
"There were more than just two POWs back then," she said referring to the publicity she and Lynch received five years ago. "There were six men captured, too, and they sacrificed and endured a lot, too. They, too, need to be recognized."
Among the 507th company prisoners of war are Johnson; Lynch; Spc. Joseph Hudson; Spc. Edgar Hernandez; Sgt. James Riley; and Pfc. Patrick Miller. Two pilots from Fort Hood also were captured and kept with members of the 507th.
Among the 507th members killed were Estrella, Piestewa, Spc. Jamaal R. Addison; 1st Sgt. Robert J. Dowdy; Pfc. Howard Johnson II; Spc. James M. Kiehl; Chief Warrant Officer Johnny Villareal Mata; Pvt. Brandon Sloan and Sgt. Donald R. Walters. Two other soldiers who were not a part of the 507th, but were with the company at the time, also were killed.
Still recovering
Most pressing on Johnson's mind right now is a math test she must take at El Paso Community College this week. She needs to pass the test so she can continue with her culinary arts studies -- another step in her quest to try to forget March 23, 2003.
"The memories are still there," she said of the day she and the other 507th members were ambushed. "I still get emotional, have flashbacks, sleepless nights and go into depression."
Johnson, who was shot in the leg during the ambush and received a hero's welcome upon returning to El Paso, said she didn't think the memory of what happened would ever go away.
But she is trying to move on. She regularly attends therapy classes at Beaumont Army Medical Center and takes her daughter with her.
"We don't tend to remember that as adults what we are going through affects our children," she said. "My daughter goes to therapy, too, so that she knows when Mom is mad or depressed or emotional it's not because of anything she did. It's me."
Helping Johnson forget the ambush are her family and this city, she said.
"I want to thank El Paso. This is my hometown and I can't imagine living anywhere else," she said. "During my captivity, they gave a lot to my family and they helped me when I got home. I can't imagine living anywhere else."
