Some of these are old, but they might still make you smile!
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>1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
>was God and I didn't.
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>2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
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>3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
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>4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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>5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
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>6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
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>7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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>8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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>9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
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>10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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>11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
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>12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
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>13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
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>14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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>15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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>16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
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>17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
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>18.. Procrastinate Now!
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>19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
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>20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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>21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
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>22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
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>23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
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>24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
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>25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
>times the memory.
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>26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
>pig.
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>27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
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>28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
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>29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. Appreciate
>every single thing you have,
>especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few!