10.) Shoveling snow. Ok, maybe I just don't get it, but I have a really long driveway. There is 16 inches of snow on the ground, on TOP of the 2 inches of ice. And i'm supposed to get all of this out of the way for my stupid car to make it down the whole driveway just to reach Hawkins road which hasn't seen a snow plow in over a year?? That's a really long way. And the design of the shovel is baffeling. It seems to hinder more than it helps. It's going to be a long morning tomorrow...
9.) Mean people in big trucks. Big trucks do not mean you can be a big jerk, and drive however you want. Yesterday, in the bad weather, I made a last minute trip to the grocery store. It was icey, and bad, but right when I get to this huge hill that I slid all the way down, some idiot in this big truck decides he's going to PASS me on the way down. I have no control of my car, and you think you can just drive right past me? Ugh, I hope he ended up in a ditch, forced to eat his fat buddy in the passenger seat to survive.
8.) People who go to sporting events to "be seen" and not to enjoy the game. Congratulations, you are rich. You can attend any event you want. But, at least clap your hands, yell, get into it. And stand up for the love of God. Don't complain when those who are there to cheer do stand up and get in your way. If you want to sit in silence and watch a game, stay at home and see it on the TV. It's cheaper, and probably air-conditioned. Leave the tickets for those who CARE.
7.) Hotmail. It never works. I usually can't even log in. And now they are all happy because they can give you more than 1 GB of online storage for free? Cool, but I can never access you, so take your 1 GB back and invest it in reliable e-mail services. I shake my fist at you hotmail!!!
6.) Happy people. You know why I hate them? Because happy people do not exist. Nobody can really be that happy in this horrible society that we live in. Have you ever just taken a moment to look around and assess the world we live in? yeah, we have air-conditioning, and heat, and cable tv, and microwavable pancakes, but look! We all run around like idiots to make it to work on time just so we can barely pay our bills. We confine ourselves into patterns that aren't natural. We drive accross town because we are convinced that saving thirty cents on our frozen pizzas will be the answer to our financial struggles, even though it costs us an additional dollar in gas money to get there. We are force fed this whole idea that we have to be somebody that is unattainable. If you are unhappy and you know it clap your hands people! It's the only way to make sense of USA 2006. Bah!
5.) hangovers. What is this, some kind of sick joke? As if you didn't make a big enough ass of yourself the night before when you stripped down naked, kissed some ugly dude twice your age, and puked all over your car. Shouldn't that shame be enough? Then, you have to be sick the next day on top of all of it? If hangovers are darwins answer to filtering out alcoholism, it's not working. I don't care how many mornings I down an unhealthy amount of asprin, I'm still going to enjoy my boozing. So, come on nature, and get rid of the damn HANGOVER!!!
4.) Pickles. Yes, I'm sure you all know that I hate pickles, but just look at them. They are the color of boogers. they have the texture of soggy celery, which as far as I know of, is not a popular snack food. And they STINK! Cucumbers don't get a complex, you aren't much better...
3.) Being afraid to dance in public. yes, I know a lot of my friends are afraid to dance, but come on. IT'S DANCING! ENJOY IT!!! Music is a supreme creation, and what better way to enjoy it than to close your eyes and let it take over you. Who cares what that judgemental asshole over in the corner thinks of you? The only ass he's going to get is some drunk whore who can't remember where she parked her beamer. Good for him because that's the most noble interaction he's ever had with a woman, and good for you for getting off the wall and enjoying yourself and the skin you are in. You don't have to be Britney Spears to dance in public, and if you did, it would be one lonely dance hall...
2.) Racist motha' f*ckers. I have no tolerance for you and your ignorant closed thinking mind. Gifts come in all kinds of packages. Appreciate it! Maybe you don't always want the gift, but judge it's contents not the package. Pre-judging will get you nowhere.
1.) Being the only fat chick in the bar. As if I'm not aware that i'm going to live 10 years less than you because I can't put down the snickers bar, the last thing I need is to stare at your skinny belly button. And quit staring at me like I'm some kind of moron. Remember? I'm bigger than you, I could stomp on you with my left foot. Respect me, because despite my size, I am beautiful. And maybe if you'd stop throwing up your "spinach salad with balsamic vinagrette on the side", you'd be happier. You'd at least have some food in your stomach to stop that delirium you are god's gift to earth. It doesn't look good on Nicole Richie, and it doesn't look good on you. And if you are naturally that size, embrace it. And don't let anyone bring you down. There's nothing more beautiful than a woman comfortable in her skin. :)
