ALRIGHTY PEOPLE, FOR THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO THINK I PUSH DRINKING, SEX, AND MAYHEM A LITTLE TOO MUCH..
FIRST OF ALL... F**K OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!
SECOND OF ALL, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANOUNCMENT I GIVE YOU THESE TEN SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR JUST IN CASE :
10. YOU SPENT LAST NIGHT IN JAIL FOR COWTIPPING.... WITH YOUR TRUCK.
(ASK ME THATS JUST GOOD CLEAN FUN.. )
9. THANKS TO YOU JACK DANIELS STOCK IS UP 15 POINTS SINCE FRIDAY..
(HEY IVE SENT SOME OF THOSE BASTARDS KIDS THROUGH COLLEGE)
8. LINDSEY LOHAN CALLS YOU PERSONALLY TO ASK YOU TO SLOW DOWN ON THE STOLI
(SELFISH B**CH.. JUST WANTS IT ALL TO HERSELF)
7. YOU ARE NOW THE PROUD INVENTOR OF THE " SLIM JIM ULTRA SLIM FAST SHAKE MADE WITH WHALER'S RUM..
(PATENT PENDING)
6. MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE WANTS TO RUN AND ADD OF YOUR LIVER IN THE SHAPE OF A BOTTLE
(IVE ALWAYS WANTED A MODELING CAREER)
5. YOUR DRYCLEANER GREETS YOU WITH " HEY ITS THE PUKE GUY!!"..
(HE SENDS ME CHRISTMAS CARDS TOO)
4. YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO REMEMBER NUMBER FOUR
(SO SUE ME ..)
3. YOUR LIVER SENDS YOU LETTERS ASKING FOR A DIVORCE
(WHINEY ASS ORGAN..)
2. WORRIED FRIENDS CALL ON MODAY TO MAKE SURE YOU RETURNED THE GOAT..
(YEAH.. I RETURNED IT.. BUT I THINK WERE NOW ENGAGED)
1. IN YOUR LAST MOMENT OF CLARITY, YOU REALIZED THAT " DRINK CANADA DRY" WAS A SLOGAN AND NOT A PERSONAL CHALLENGE
(AND I WAS SOOOOOOO CLOSE!!!)
ALRIGHT YOU F**KERS.. YOU MADE ME THINK TOO HARD.. IM GONNA GO GET DRUNK
IM OUT
