All of these calls were made to me by people who had dialed the wrong number, but were too thick headed to hang up. I just thought I'd share some of them with you. I already know that they were wrong and kinda mean in most cases, but hey, I thought it was funny at the time, lol. I have a pretty good memory about the stuff that makes me laugh the hardest:
Wolf: Hello?
Caller: May I speak with (some guy, not me)
Wolf: (pause) Speaking.
Caller: Hello, sir, we would just like to let you know that you have won a free vacation as per a hidden sweepstakes being held by your credit company!
Wolf: That's awesome! Where am I going?
Caller: That's your choice, sir. Wherever you want! They'll fund a full week with lodging to any place of your choice.
Wolf: That's fantastic! I always wanted to go to Botswana. Will they send me to Botswana?
Caller: Yes sir they will.
Wolf: They have naked natives running around I think. That would be awesome.
Caller: Now if I could just have your credit card info.
Wolf: And booze! I think they make home made booze there!
Caller: Sir, I need your cred--
Wolf: Oh and I think rape is legal!
Caller: I don't know about that.
Wolf: Wait, what did you need?
Caller: I need to know if your card is Visa or Mastercard.
Wolf: Well I have both, which one did I win with?
Caller: Umm, I don't know.
Wolf: You think they have cool drugs in Botswana?
Caller: Sir I do believe it was the Visa card.
Wolf: I just like saying Botswana!
Caller: Can I have the number from the Visa Card please?
Wolf: Certainly. It's 4323-7410-0953-5421 (random)
Caller: And the expiration date?
Wolf: June 6, 1987.
Caller: I'm sorry?
Wolf: June 6, 1987.
Caller: Are you reading that correctly?
Wolf: I can read.
Caller: That card has been expired for almost... like 19 or 20 years.
Wolf: Oh... I haven't used it in a while.
Caller: Mr. (whatever) please if you could--
Wolf: Mr. who?
Caller: What?
Wolf: My name's Wolf.
Caller: Are you serious? I asked you your name at the beginning of this call!
Wolf: oh I was watching the tv I wasn't paying attention. Sorry *click*
***
Wolf: Hello?
Caller: Who is this?
Wolf: This is Wolf.
Caller: Why are you answering Linda's phone?
(At this point, I usually it's my phone or wrong number or something, but this time I said--)
Wolf: She's sleeping.
Caller: Let me talk to her. Wake her up.
Wolf: I don't want to, she looks peaceful.
Caller: Who the hell are you?
Wolf: I'm Wolf.
Caller: Just put her-- are you-- *sigh* Do you know who I am?
Wolf: Her husband?
Caller: No we're not married, what are you doing at Linda's place while she's asleep?
Wolf: Well I'm not robbing it if that's what you think.
Caller: Quit fucking around! Did you and Linda do anything or not, man!
Wolf: (pause) Well we were going to. (Pause)
Caller: Yeah?
Wolf: But when I got her pants off, I noticed the surgery. That might be your thing but it's not mine. So we just watched--
Caller: Wait what?
Wolf: Watched Monk.
Caller: No what surgery?
Wolf: The gender surgery. It's a good job but you can still tell.
Caller: What are you talking about? Gender surgery what?
Wolf: She used to be a guy, man.
Caller: No fucking way. Shut the fuck up.
Wolf: Oh ho ho! Man you fucked a dude!
*click*
***
Wolf: Hello?
Caller: Yes I'd just like to say right off that this call may be recorded for security purposes as well as training and quality assurance. May I please speak with Mr.--not my name--
(pause)
Caller:Hello?
Wolf: Speaking. (dunno why I said it but hey, lol)
Caller: Hello sir this is an attempt to collect a debt from Citibank Visa in the amount of (whatever it was) and I would like to know your method of payment.
Wolf: Who are you again?
Caller: Credit Management Inc. (or something)
Wolf: How do I know you're not just some thief that hacked a Citibank website or something?
Caller: Sir, I'm with Credit Management Inc., I have a copy of your credit report right here. The account number for the card you had with them is (whatever) and the amount past due was (whatever) at the time of which they sent the debt to us to be collected.
Wolf: What if I don't pay you? What if I threaten you with a bat instead?
Caller: That's your choice, sir, but we do not respond to threats and we will report this to your credit report if you do not send payment today.
Wolf: So you know everything about me, huh?
Caller: Well whatever is on the credit report and the information from Citibank Visa, yes sir.
Wolf: Well I'm not going to pay you.
Caller: Sir, we strongly suggest you do.
Wolf: Or what? You'll make it hard for me to buy a house? Like I care. I have a house and a car that are fully paid off and two credit cards that think I'm great. Why should I care if you hurt my credit report? I don't need it anymore.
Caller: ....
Wolf: Hello?
Caller: Sir, this is my first week and honestly I don't know how to respond to this.
Wolf: Oh, well, don't worry, you have the wrong number anyway. I don't even know the guy you're looking for.
Caller: Oh my god *click*
***
(this last one was while I was very drunk and feeling very goofy)
Wolf: Hello?
Caller: Oh, I'm sorry, wrong number.
Wolf: ARE YOU HIM?
Caller: What?
Wolf: Are you the guy sleeping with my wife??
Caller: Dude I don't even know you!
Wolf: Some guy keeps hanging up every time I answer the phone but not when my WIFE answers the phone!
Caller: Whatever man, I'm sorry but it's not me.
Wolf: Why are you apologizing then, wussy??
Caller: What?
Wolf: Wussy.
Caller: Fuck you.
Wolf: Like you fucked my wife?
Caller: I DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR FUCKING WIFE
Wolf: My FUCKING wife? Well she aint doing it with me man it must be you!
Caller: *click*
