daiseegurl's blog: "Writing To Survive"

You come over. We talk a bit. Stare at each other. Smile often. You look in my soul and it makes you wonder why my heart says no. The connection is undenialable. We don't always agree or get along yet somehow we manage to make each other feel like our love is all we need. Your lips touch mine so softly just once. That one time becomes two and from there our lips lock. You hold me and our energy's mix. There's something more than both of us are willing to openly admit. I'm not sure what I want in life though I'm sure I can't let you go. Why do I try to push you away? Why can't I tell you how I really feel about you? If what we have is real, then why are we playing these games with each other? Can you please tell me with words what you say with your actions? Have I told you how my heart races and how I smile at the thought of being with you? It's you that makes me happy. I love your smell, the way you make me feel inside, the quirky things you say and the silly things you do. I can't think for you regardless of how hard I try. I don't want to doubt you. So will you open up to me? Even if we can't be together, I want to know how you feel. I love our differences. If timing is everything, how much longer should we wait?

Hey there. I was asked to share my holiday blog for the season and after long thought I'm going to pass...well that's the plan for today. Most of you know or have an idea of what my year has been like. For those who don't, I encourage you to read through my blogs and then ask me if you still think I'm just making up stories. For those of you, you know who you are, that made it a point this year to be especially insensitive, thoughtless, cruel and hurtful...HAPPY FREAKIN HOLIDAYS!!! This is for you: You made us cry and we don't know why. Are you happy now? You think you got what you want by lying and cheating. It's temporary but for now are you happy? You're self-destructive with no ambition. Does knowing that you strive for nothing and have nothing make you happy? So you know, WE ARE HAPPY! Suggestion for another year: Maybe do what needs to be done to yourself so that you can be more? In the end, you're only hurting yourself. We will move on...you should do the same.

They can't and won't ever make you feel the way I did and still do. They don't know what really feels good to you. It's all for them because their hearts are not true. They won't give you the memories I gave you. The ones that last a lifetime. Memories like that never fade away. Memories are kept locked in your mind to help you when you've lost your way. They won't know what to do when you're down. I had a way of feeling you up with cheer. I made you see the light was within your reach. It was because of me that you learned while I tried to teach. They can't inspire you the way I did. Your dreams would not have come true without the strong support. Telling you you're wonderful is different than knowing you're the greatest at being you. I helped you find more things you could do. You are the reason behind who you are today. They settle for anything. I make you strive for more. The more you go, the further you'll get. When the dark clouds are hovered, I kept your candle lit. You don't even have to love them. They can only love your surface in order to love them self. I dug a lot deeper because the love you have inside is what makes the layers of protection. Love may be blind but it always points you in the right direction. They don't look for the big picture. They are fine with the here and now. Your future will never grow because the seeds weren't planted. They take everything you have to offer for granted. They thought they had changed you. You are better with them than you were with me. Changes don't occur overnight. I'll stick around while the changes in you and me are in process. They'll run when the changes start to take place. They don't live for the journey, they think it's a race. Life is what you make. The roads you travel. The obstacles you build and conquer. The feelings you want to feel. The memories you create. The goals you strive to achieve. The seeds you plant. The love you give. The changes you allow to happen. They only want what they can get from you. I want what I have made and can create with you. I know it's not all up to me. I know you want all the things I have to offer. I know with time, better changes will occur. I know you will always love me forever. A love like mine lasts even when we're not together. I'm still learning from what I already know. I hope that you will have learned before it's my time to go.