I remember when I was a little girl there were so many times when I thought about what I wanted out of life. --The Happily Ever Afters--. You know the love of your life. The 2.3 kids. The great house with white picket fence. Yada – yada – yada!! I know …. I know I’m still dreaming. A girl can keep a few of those around cant she?? In all of my dreams never once did I ever imagine that my life would turn out to be the way it has. I mean what happened to all the romance & intrigue? The family morals & values?? The maternal instincts?? My Mother did an excellent job at reigning me in & keeping me on the straight & narrow. She provided for the both us & granted we didn’t always have everything that we wanted but we certainly had everything that we needed. I had awesome friends. We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. Nothing that normal kids didn’t do at our age. Granted I didn’t have a Fatherly figure in my life & I’m certain that there are experts out there somewhere that will probably say that that is part of my problem. I have issues with MEN because I wasn’t given my proper dose of male bonding when I was younger. Ppppppffffttttt!!!!!!!! What do they know??? {Don’t answer that!} Soooooooooooo if I seem to know so much about who I am & what I want then why am I so miserable?? What keeps holding me back?? Why do I keep making the same ‘ole mistakes time and time again?? Why do I continue to make everything so freakin hard on myself?? Oh my Dear Lord I can hear some of the thoughts rollin’ around in peoples heads right now on that question alone. Go ahead I’ve earned every last one of ‘em!! Recently I was given a few really great offers by some very sincere people. And under any other circumstance I’d be honored to consider them all. Certainly a girl like me should take those offers & run with ‘em. I do realize that I should take into consideration that I have someone else’s life in my hands at the moment & maybe I should put his needs before my own. Am I being selfish? Am I being practical?? Am I even being REAL?? Oh there goes that word again that everyone keeps throwing around. Whats real anymore. I don’t even know anymore.
