I love you more than meatloaf and I really love meatloaf

Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. You are one of them!

If you're in Walmart and you're holding in a fart just remember YOU'RE IN WALMART!

You know why you like me ... Cause your fuckin weird too!!!

It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.

Sometimes I look at my girlfriend and I think Damn she is one lucky lady!

I miss you so much, that I can’t stop thinking about you no matter what I am doing. P.S., I wrote this message while I was on the toilet.

I love you no matter what! Even if you do fart in your sleep!

I hate when I get up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and eat a whole pizza.

The hardest thing about beginning a new relationship has got to be learning to fart quietly again.

I would love you, no matter what. Even if you were to fart in your sleep.

My girlfriend and I are very competitive. We laugh about it, but I laugh more!

You know what? The zoo is the best place to fart!

Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means

"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

The average person farts 14 times a day! Finally I am above average at something!!

Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.

I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here

Hormel Foods made its first batch of Spam in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food they announced they will be making their second batch later next week.