Blue Dragon's blog: "top 10"

10. Well it was my first time having sex. And me and my boyfriend were excited! It started out great at least the first two minutes. Then all he kept doing was talking. Not even romantic things. Stuff about his friends and family. 9. Ok no one "said" this. A song came on the random mp3 playlist on the PC in the backround. "Every Sperm is Sacred" by Monthy Python. Offputting... 8. BLOW ME 7. Hey Don't Worry Baby! Think Of My Genital Warts As Nature's French Ticklers! 6. I was dating this fireman, let's call him Kevin. Who wasn't very good in bed to begin with and could only have sex to the beat of music. His favorite? Van Halen of course. During the middle of "running with the devil" we went to change positions, and he said "why don't you swing that stinkhole over here to the edge if the bed". I did swing to the edge of the bed, leapt off, got my clothes and bailed. In his car. (I did return it 4 days later.) He could not understand what my problem was because when I told him what a jack*ss he was, he told me he referred to all women's vaginas that way. To him it was a special kind of pet name. Pet name!!!!! You have got to be kidding! 5. During sex with my boy friend, he said," I love the way my dicks look when I see a pic of it in my sex album!!!" 4. Under the impression that the A-hole that I was sleeping with (who happens to be my house mate) wanted to spend time with me, I came home from work. He said he would join me and wash my back as I got into the shower. One thing led to another... All of a sudden he looks up from going down on me and says I'm hungry. I gotta get something to eat. I blew it off and we moved to the bedroom. The phone rings, he disengages his self from me and proceeds to make dinner plans which I refuse because I am livid. Dinner turned into a two day poker game. That's ok though I will pee on his toothbrush every day and smile as I watch him brush his teeth. 3. I was having sex with a guy i'd met when he looked down at me and said "you know, from this angle you look just like my mother. Thats hot.". I've never gotten dressed so fast. 2. What's your name?....After making out!! 1. In the heat of passion my husband of 14 years said, "I love you Sara." That's not my name. Ouch!

10. "I feel like we both have something in common, she calls ME daddy too!" 9. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter." 8. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature." 7. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'" 6. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?" 5. "You taught her to swallow, didn't you?" 4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup." 3. "I just got my license today." 2. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?" 1. "Now.. show me how you used to spank her."

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends. 9. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way. 8. I think hairy butts are really sexy 7. Hey, get a whiff of that one. 6. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpits are just too cute. 5. This diamond is way to big. 4. I don't even wanna put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow. 3. Wow, it really is 14 inches! 2. Does this make my butt look too small? 1. I'm wrong, you must be right again.

#10. Life is sexually tranmitted #9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. #7. Give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. #6. Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. #5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in a hospital dying of nothing. #4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. it pays no attiention to Criticism. #3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? #2. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. and the #1. We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-diease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions fo illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration. "Life is like a jar oj Jalapeno's. What you do today Might burn your ass tomorrow"