BayBGotBack's blog: "thoughts"

Ok so I retract my previous blog about Steven which was on myspace. He is not an abusive man and I only post blogs when I'm pissed at something or him or bored so sorry to anyone i've misled or made them think less of him... he is a great man and has always been there for me and always will be. We are now broken up and decided to be friends and date other people which hurts a lot but I love him and my main concern is his happiness which I can't give him. So yeah, shit sucks right now but I'm not sad about it. I have accapted this and this is just how it is. True love is wanting that person to be happy, even if it tears you apart. So thats whats up.

So I came home for thanksgiving last night like i had planned to. I'm just not really looking forward to seeing my grandma in such bad shape but at least she's still here. I finally decided what I want to do. i'm going to go back to school to be an x ray tech full time and get a full time job as well just to keep myself busy and out of trouble. the guy i was seeing left me yesterday because i did something stupid and kinda deserved it but he made me realize that i'm NEVER going to find anyone who will love me doing absolutly nothing. i will only find people like him, and i deserve better then that so thank you steven!

i have never relly read anyones blogs on here but ive been avoiding something. i know i was suppossed to go home for thanksgiving tonight but put it off. i have lost two family members in my life and never once did i have time to think about it. i lost two uncles. i had literally five minutes notification between his heart attack and detah and not too much time to think about it. my second uncle i had justy recieved a call and didnt attend his funeral because i was too scared to get on a plane and still regret it. it's not really them im concerned about though. they have to be in a better place but,my grandma has been slipping away day by day and minute by minute for months now and i dont know how to deal with it except tipping back my bottle of vodka which is why there are probably a lot of typos and this is confusing. my bad but here's to you grandma, i pray for you to enjoy the rest of what you have left which i know isnt much because i can see the pain in your eyes whether or not you admit it. i love you. . .