Been thinking lately about the shock I felt when I found out I was adopted.
Kinda hard on the system, when you live to be my age, and find out. I found out after both my adopted parents had passed away. My brother knew and had made a promise to my father that he wouldnt say anything until both of them were gone.
I wonder why?
Did they think I was that fragile, that I couldnt handle it?
Yes.... they were right...
But, I think I could have handled it better if I was told when I was a child, and not an adult, who now has no life history. I mean, who am I know? I am not the person that I thought I was/am??...Un-nerving to say the very least.
I love my adopted parents for wanting to love me and take care of me/us (** my brother..who is also adopted-from a different biological mother). We both were adopted as newborns, if that makes a difference.?? Mom was a great photographer and a shutterbug, so I have tons of photos of both my brother and I as teeny tiny babies and us being loved very much. Mom used to make matching outfits for her and I to wear. Gotta find one to post....
But I still have mixed feelings about the woman who let me go.
Did she hate me?
Did she love me?
Just what were her reasons?
That wasnt right to make someone feel like they werent loved enough, and that is what I feel.
I dont even know if I want to meet her.
I can imagine all the different scenarios that must have been happening 52 years ago when she found out she was pregnant. Was she scared? Did her parents make her? Was she a child herself?..........WTF? I get angry at her mostly.
Does she even want to know me now? That might hurt the most, if she didnt even want to meet me now. Rather than the fact that I was tossed aside.
Do I any siblings. I bet I do, and I wonder if THEY KNOW they have a half sister that is wondering about her life.
I hate feeling confused.
