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Last month's tragic event reminds me of a story..................
I remember the moment as if it were only yesterday. I was in 10th grade and had just arrived home from school with my good friend Mike. We made our way to my room, presumably, to watch some random wrestling tapes, bein' the cool dudes that we were. As I entered my room I noticed something was definitely askew. My bed was missing?! Where would I sleep? How would I gather rest for the next day's big math test? Oh yeah, I was already on a highway to GED by this point in my school career and considering I went to school on this day odds were high I wouldn't be goin' on the next. But where the fuck was my bed? Apparently, for some odd reason my Mom decided to surprise me with a new bed, instead of the ragged twin bed I had been sleeping on. How that took priority over tryin' to encourage me not to drop outta school is still a mystery. More importantly though, where were the items under my bed? Where was the box!? The box that contained my lifeline! The one containing my all important pornographic magazines, including the Anna Nicole Smith bathtub pictorial that helped her capture the 1993 Playmate of the Year! Ah yes, a great magazine that helped a mid puberty Jay deposit many loads into his sheets, now, like Anna Nicole Smith herself, gone forever. Just an ejaculation in the past. Anyway, in the process of removing the bed my Mom found my stash of gash, and took them all away. Never again would I get to bust a load to my favorite magazine. I was 14 at the time so it's not like I could go buy a new one, and we didn't have a computer so I couldn't just go online and find endless supplies of great porn like nowadays. I'm sure kids in this era can't truly appreciate the story. A bathtub scene? In 2007 that's pretty boring. If Bangbus.com goes down for the afternoon they can easily drain the lizard by watching a hot blow job scene on MySistersHotFriend.com or some messy lubricated action on SloppyHandJobs.com!
Hearing of Anna Nicole's death today almost made me relive that horible afternoon over a decade ago. It reminds us all how short life is. You go to school thinkin' you'll always have that magazine to jack to. You'll be able to shoot loads to it forever and ever and ever, but you're wrong, oh so wrong! I spent that night havin' to remember the hot girl from study hall with my "imagination" instead of staring right into the eyes of Anna's giant oversized areola's! If anything is to be learned, it's this. Next time you grab that hog of your's and you're watching your favorite "foot fetish" scene, one you often times take for granted, stroke that bad boy, "like your Mom will find your stash." Yes, I know, we are adult's now and Mom can't just find it, and take it. But when you rub one out today, make it special. Pretend the government is gonna shut down Naughty Bookworms and you'll never get to spank to that barely legal slut in pigtails ever again! And me? Bein' as it's 2007 and I can find anything I want, I'm goin' old school. I'm gonna search out that bathtub photo shoot from 1993. I'm gonna spank one last batch to you Anna. This one's for you whore, thanks for the memories!
-Jay "Goin' Straight To Hell" Messier
