I never thought I would be alive 5 years after my father's death. I truly didn't...but I am. I just knew I would die of heartbreak.....BUT I DIDN'T!
Why didn't I? I had longed and wished for it, for so long.
It couldn't be that I am stronger than I believe....JFC! That would mean I have some sort of backbone. WTF? I guess he taught me more than to make people laugh.
Cheers! My Daddio....you are sooooooo missed and loved more than ANYTHING.
I allowed the wonderful image of my father slip from me.
I am sorry my precious Daddio!
I still mourn and miss you so terribly.
I love you with all that I am.
Always Daddy's little girl......
Happy Father's Day!
I suppose I will do this every year I am on the Fu...
I miss you Daddio!
Been 4 years and I find it funny that it seems more like forever and yet feels like it was yesterday when I heard the news.
*sighs*
Not quite as sad as I was before....I still cry! But I do laugh more thinking of funny things.
Forever Daddio's baby girl!
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My goodbyes
Saliva
Hey precious daddy can you hear me now? From the lost and found although your six feet underground. In the mirror, I can see your face just another trace of all the tragedy you passed down. There are times when I can hear your voice, it’s just like my voice and it still haunts me when you come around. I feel like I wasted time when I didn’t have you on my mind. I feel like I’m all alone, how could I have known you would leave me here alive. Oh my God, how did I make it this far? Why can’t I be where your are? My God I think I’m dying. Precious daddy can you hold my hand like you did back then? Can you forgive me of all my sins? Come to me and take this pain away cause its all I see. It would be heavenly to see you again. I feel like I wasted time when I didn’t have you on my mind. I feel like I’m all alone. How could I have known you would leave my side. It all was so simple then when it all began, and I was your smile. And now you’re just words in stone, you’re just dust and bones and I’ll join you there in time. Oh my God, how did I make it this far? Why can’t I be where you are? My God I think I’m dying. Oh my God why can’t you take it away or give me just one more day of just apologizing. How could you take him from me? Its like you spit in my face. I’ve got his grandson to raise, with no grandfather to say. Don’t let him end up like me cause he’ll be down on his knees, asking you where could I be. I wonder what you would say? I feel like I wasted time when I didn’t have you on my mind. I feel like I’m all alone. How could I have known you would leave my side. It all was so simple then when it all began, and I was your smile. And now you’re just words in stone, you’re just dust and bones, and I’ll join you there in time. Oh my God, how did I make it this far? Why can’t I be where you are? Oh my God I think I’m dying. Oh my God why can’t you take it away or give me just one more day of just apologizing.
Good lord...does it ever go away?
Missing my Dad....things reminding me all the time. Funny shit that none of you care about...that's ok, this helps me, the writing does....I really don't care if anyone ever reads this...I will read it, I will remember and it helps me heal if that is truly possible.
My brother and I were talking of one particular thing many many years ago at a funeral...small town in Ga. We were talking to an elderly woman, (at the time, she was in her 70's. Shit! 20 years ago!) my Dad told her she looked wonderful and mentioned something about her hair (my father the charmer!)....the wind was blowing hard that day. She said "Well it's getting a good blow job!" OMG!!!!!! I thought me and my brother would lose it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had to walk away we were laughing so hard....not my Dad...he was so fucking cool! After he was through talking to her, he walked over to us and said, quite calmly but we knew he wanted to laugh with us, "What are y'all laughing about? The woman and the blow job?"
Which of course made us lose it again!!!! My Dad was so funny and so cool!!! I miss him terribly!