Lady Willow's blog: "The Monster "

I never knew it existed

This monster inside me

It lurked below the surfaceLike a parasite deep within

I now know its linked To the green eyed jealousy

It made me do things

Things I wouldn’t normally do

It caused me to spy in horrible ways

Turning my trust into fear

Turning my fear into mistrust

My mistrust into hate; loathing

Disgust – at not only you-

But at everyone – even me

So I turned the tables

I started flirting

Why not – you did – had been

But that was you – 

Always was the way you were

And that set me on Fire

A fire that raged and grew

And tore me apart

From the inside out

And it tore us apart

Now all I have is regret

Regret for all I did

Regret for all I said

Regret for all I felt

Regret for how I feel still

What once was will never be again

But how do I kill this Monster?

Will I ever be able to be like I was before

?Will I ever be able to trust anyone ever again?

Words are always spoken to quickly

Without the real meaning being said

Or even heard – Rashness

Caused by the loathing

How to end a cycle that 

That dug its way inside so quickly

Or was it?
Time moves slowly – but I still feel it

This Monster that wants to lash out

To goad and retaliate…

I want to kill it.. but cant find it

I know it there somewhere

Under the surface – but where?

I want to take a knife and

Dig and dig until I find it

But there are so many scars…

So many wounds still bleeding…

And an empty heart that longs

Urns for …….. you 

And it can never be…. 

Was it ever meant to be?

No – never was.

My actions were to much like the others…

And a past always haunts the presen

tAnd there never is a future

So I will dig and cut and bleed anew

Until I find this Monster

I will cut it out and cut it apart

So it never can hurt me or you or anyone…

Will I ever be the same..

No…the past will haunt me forever

A future of forevers… maybe…

 Only one thing can help

Byran Adams : Please forgive me 

A fitting song

A bad goodbye Clint Black and Wynonna …

You always said songs showed how we felt

Those are mine to you

What are yours to me?

Will you sharpen the knife that will allow me to kill this Monster?

Or will you make me suffer with a dull one?

That will take me forever??

Guess I better start cutting

There is no sharpener anyway…

It’s a Bad Goodbye.. 

A really Bad – Ugly Goodbye